Yesterday I blogged about my miracles. I'm not sure if you noticed or not, but all three of my kids have two middle names. I thought today I would explain where we got the names from.
I will start with Noah Michael Wrailey. When I was pregnant I really, really wanted to name him Zebidiah. I know what you are thinking. Who names their kid Zebadiah? It had nothing to do with the name and everything to do with the meaning. Since I was single, I wanted to make his name special. The meaning of Zebidiah is, "gift from God". That was just it, at that time in my life, he was my gift from God! After many people making faces when I would tell them and my brother giving me lots of crap over it, I decided to change it. My favorite bible story had always been the story of Noah's Ark, so I chose to go with Noah. When he was born and I saw him for the first time, I remember saying, "he doesn't look anything like a Zebidiah, he looks just like a Noah".
I could never decide on a middle name so I picked two. Michael is my dad's name and my brother's middle name, so I picked it after them. Wrailey came from my great grandma. When I got pregnant I was taking care of her. That was my full time job at the time. It was her father's name. I even spelled it the way she told me to. It just so happens that when Noah was a few years old one of my cousins ran across some old papers and we found out that Big Maw had told me wrong and that was not the correct spelling. I figured oh well, I spelled it the way she wanted.
Next we have Josie. Her name is actually Josephine Danielle Faith. You see, my name is Stephanie Michelle, I was named after my dad, Michael Steven. I am the girl version and reversed. Once I found out we were having a girl I wanted to try and start a tradition where the first born girl is named after her dad. Dan's name is Daniel Joseph, so that is where we got Josephine Danielle. As for the Faith part, after 27 months of trying for her, it only seemed fitting that her second middle name be Faith. It took a whole lot of Faith to get here her.
That brings us to Maxxwell Henry Douglas. I am sure you are wondering why he has two x's. I saw it one time at one of Noah's baseball games. There was a kid there with the name Maxx and just thought it looked so cool. So I said if I ever had a Max, I was going to give him two x's. Maxxwell was my mom's dad's name. I have always like the name and it is trendy, so it fit. Henry is my grandpa Cleatus' middle name. Douglas is my father in laws name. So that is where we got Maxx's name.
Now that it is all out here on my blog, I hope I never have to explain it again! I really love each of my kids names. They are all very fitting for each of them! I couldn't have picked better names!
Monday, December 27, 2010
Sunday, December 26, 2010
My Miracles
This is a story that takes us back to May 1999. I will never for that day. It was in a time when we was living quite a crazy life. The "party" life is what I will call it. I hated who I was. One day while driving, I prayed and my prayer was, "God you are going to have to slap me in the face to get me out of this "party" life I am living." I now know how true the old saying is, be careful what you pray for, you just might get it.
Fast forward to Sept. I thought I had the stomach flu and was really feeling crummy. I was also 10 days late, so I bought a test. I remember calling my best friend at the time and saying, "if I call you crying, you know it was positive." I took the test and sure enough it was positive. I was in disbelief. I had been on the pill, so how could I be pregnant?? What am I going to do? I am going to be a single mom!
Jump to April 26, 2000. I was admitted to be induced. Not much went on that night. April 27th arrives and things get going. Around 2:30 pm it's time to push. The alarms start going off. The doctor rushes in and said, "we need to get him out and get him out NOW!!!" So after 3 pushes at 2:53pm, weighing 7 lbs, 4ozs, Noah Micheal Wrailey Jones was brought into my life. I was later told his cord was wrapped around his neck two times. Noah was my first miracle.
When Noah was 4 I started feeling like I wanted more kids. I didn't want him to be an only child. I was finally OK with and happy being single. I had decided that since I didn't want Noah to be an only child that I was going to adopt a child. I had done several home study visits and had gotten to the part where they take my profile album to show moms to pick me to raise their child.
It was June 2004. June 18th to be exact. There was a knock at my door, there he stood. So handsome, so nice, like that old friend and we just needed to catch up. It was Dan. I was really not ready for what he had to offer me.
It was only 2 weeks later when it was time for Dan to meet my parents and Noah. He came to pick us up. After they met, Noah came over and whispered to me, "is he going to be my new dad." We get to my parents house and had dinner. After dinner I was baking some cookies and Noah needed something, so Dan went and checked on him. The next time while I was dealing with Noah, Dan checked the cookies. It was at that dinner, I KNEW I was going to marry Dan. November 26, 2005 I became Mrs. Daniel Pingel. Dan was my second miracle.
Dan and I had decided that we both wanted more children, so we decided to start trying right after we got married. We tried and tried. After two years and no more babies, we decided to go see a fertility specialist. I had the appointment set for around April 1st.
On the Thursday before Mother's Day, I took at test and it was negative. Just like all the others I had taken the past two years. You would think after two years it would get easier to see that negative, but no, it was just as hard to deal with as all the others.
I had a cyst on my back that was about the size of the tip of your pinkie. Some how it had gotten infected. It was not the size of a quater. I had to go see a surgeon about it on that Monday. I went in and he took one look and said that I needed surgery and we would do it that afternoon. I was going to be put to sleep to have it removed.
I arrived for the surgery and before hand they made me pee in a cup. As we were walking to the pre-op bed the nurse said, "wait a second, this is positive". I asked what was positive, she said, "Hun, your pregnant." I said,"NO I'm not"! We took 5 tests that day and they were all positive. They could not put me to sleep to cut out the cyst, so they just did a local on it. The local didn't work. I felt EVERYTHING!!! Let's just say I scream and cried!!
My pregnancy with Josie was horrible. I was so sick and then she kept trying to come early. It was just horrible. On Nov. 17 2008 I went in to be induced. At 9:30am things took a turn for the worst. Josie's heart rate dropped below 50 and would not recover. Next thing I know, there are is my OB and what seemed like 20 nurses. I was rushed to the operating room without Dan by my side. It was an emergency, so they wouldn't let him go with me. Before I knew it, I was in recovery and Dan was showing me pictures of Josie he had taken with his cell phone. I was later told that her cord was wrapped around her neck two times. They said from the time we rushed out of my room to the time she was born was only 6 minutes. At 9:48am weighing 7 lbs 10 ozs Josephine Danielle Faith Pingel was brought into my life. Josie was my third miracle.
Once Josie was born I went back on the pill. After being on it for a few months and having it make me feel like I was going crazy, Dan and I talked and we decided that I would go off it. It took 27 months to get pregnant with Josie, we were sure it would take several to get pregnant again. So we decided to take our chances.
When Josie was four months old I realized I was late. So one day while Dan was at work I decided to take a test. It was POSITIVE. I was in shock and freaking out!! I called Dan at work and asked if he was sitting down. He thought someone had died. When I told him the news that we were going to have another baby, he was in just as much shock as I was. We found out my due date was Jan. 28, 2010.
On Jan 5th Susan (my sister in law) who was due to have her baby any day, ended up having high blood pressure. Her OB decided to induce her. It was about midnight when we got the call that Hailey had been born. I was so excited, I was an aunt.
I had been having an issue with my heart racing and feeling strange since Jan. 1st. I had gone to see my OB on the 5th and she said to let her know if I had any other heart racing issues. I woke up on the 6th and after I got ready, I started feeling strange. So strange that even my left arm was going numb. I called my OB office and they said I needed to rush to he ER. They checked me over, they thought I was having a heart attack. I was OK, my heart was good. While at the ER being check I started having contractions, so after I checked out OK they sent me up to L & D. They checked me and I had not dilated any. They hydrated me, thinking I was dehydrated. After sitting in L & D for 5-6 hours and my contractions getting worse and worse and me being in pain and tears, my OB came in and said it was time to deliver Maxx. On Jan. 6th 2010 at 5:47 pm weighing 7 lbs 5 ozs, Maxxwell Henry Douglas Pingel was brought into my life. When he was born the OB told us that his cord was wrapped around his neck two times. Maxx was my fourth miracle.
Even though I was a single mom when I had Noah. Even thought I was not prepared for Dan to steal my heart. Even thought I had waited so long, and had such a horrible pregnancy with Josie. Even though I was scared out of my mind to have babies 13 months apart when Maxx arrived. I have to admit I would not trade one second of the way my life has gone. Noah, Dan, Josie and Maxx have been worth every second. They are my miracles!!!
Fast forward to Sept. I thought I had the stomach flu and was really feeling crummy. I was also 10 days late, so I bought a test. I remember calling my best friend at the time and saying, "if I call you crying, you know it was positive." I took the test and sure enough it was positive. I was in disbelief. I had been on the pill, so how could I be pregnant?? What am I going to do? I am going to be a single mom!
Jump to April 26, 2000. I was admitted to be induced. Not much went on that night. April 27th arrives and things get going. Around 2:30 pm it's time to push. The alarms start going off. The doctor rushes in and said, "we need to get him out and get him out NOW!!!" So after 3 pushes at 2:53pm, weighing 7 lbs, 4ozs, Noah Micheal Wrailey Jones was brought into my life. I was later told his cord was wrapped around his neck two times. Noah was my first miracle.
When Noah was 4 I started feeling like I wanted more kids. I didn't want him to be an only child. I was finally OK with and happy being single. I had decided that since I didn't want Noah to be an only child that I was going to adopt a child. I had done several home study visits and had gotten to the part where they take my profile album to show moms to pick me to raise their child.
It was June 2004. June 18th to be exact. There was a knock at my door, there he stood. So handsome, so nice, like that old friend and we just needed to catch up. It was Dan. I was really not ready for what he had to offer me.
It was only 2 weeks later when it was time for Dan to meet my parents and Noah. He came to pick us up. After they met, Noah came over and whispered to me, "is he going to be my new dad." We get to my parents house and had dinner. After dinner I was baking some cookies and Noah needed something, so Dan went and checked on him. The next time while I was dealing with Noah, Dan checked the cookies. It was at that dinner, I KNEW I was going to marry Dan. November 26, 2005 I became Mrs. Daniel Pingel. Dan was my second miracle.
Dan and I had decided that we both wanted more children, so we decided to start trying right after we got married. We tried and tried. After two years and no more babies, we decided to go see a fertility specialist. I had the appointment set for around April 1st.
On the Thursday before Mother's Day, I took at test and it was negative. Just like all the others I had taken the past two years. You would think after two years it would get easier to see that negative, but no, it was just as hard to deal with as all the others.
I had a cyst on my back that was about the size of the tip of your pinkie. Some how it had gotten infected. It was not the size of a quater. I had to go see a surgeon about it on that Monday. I went in and he took one look and said that I needed surgery and we would do it that afternoon. I was going to be put to sleep to have it removed.
I arrived for the surgery and before hand they made me pee in a cup. As we were walking to the pre-op bed the nurse said, "wait a second, this is positive". I asked what was positive, she said, "Hun, your pregnant." I said,"NO I'm not"! We took 5 tests that day and they were all positive. They could not put me to sleep to cut out the cyst, so they just did a local on it. The local didn't work. I felt EVERYTHING!!! Let's just say I scream and cried!!
My pregnancy with Josie was horrible. I was so sick and then she kept trying to come early. It was just horrible. On Nov. 17 2008 I went in to be induced. At 9:30am things took a turn for the worst. Josie's heart rate dropped below 50 and would not recover. Next thing I know, there are is my OB and what seemed like 20 nurses. I was rushed to the operating room without Dan by my side. It was an emergency, so they wouldn't let him go with me. Before I knew it, I was in recovery and Dan was showing me pictures of Josie he had taken with his cell phone. I was later told that her cord was wrapped around her neck two times. They said from the time we rushed out of my room to the time she was born was only 6 minutes. At 9:48am weighing 7 lbs 10 ozs Josephine Danielle Faith Pingel was brought into my life. Josie was my third miracle.
Once Josie was born I went back on the pill. After being on it for a few months and having it make me feel like I was going crazy, Dan and I talked and we decided that I would go off it. It took 27 months to get pregnant with Josie, we were sure it would take several to get pregnant again. So we decided to take our chances.
When Josie was four months old I realized I was late. So one day while Dan was at work I decided to take a test. It was POSITIVE. I was in shock and freaking out!! I called Dan at work and asked if he was sitting down. He thought someone had died. When I told him the news that we were going to have another baby, he was in just as much shock as I was. We found out my due date was Jan. 28, 2010.
On Jan 5th Susan (my sister in law) who was due to have her baby any day, ended up having high blood pressure. Her OB decided to induce her. It was about midnight when we got the call that Hailey had been born. I was so excited, I was an aunt.
I had been having an issue with my heart racing and feeling strange since Jan. 1st. I had gone to see my OB on the 5th and she said to let her know if I had any other heart racing issues. I woke up on the 6th and after I got ready, I started feeling strange. So strange that even my left arm was going numb. I called my OB office and they said I needed to rush to he ER. They checked me over, they thought I was having a heart attack. I was OK, my heart was good. While at the ER being check I started having contractions, so after I checked out OK they sent me up to L & D. They checked me and I had not dilated any. They hydrated me, thinking I was dehydrated. After sitting in L & D for 5-6 hours and my contractions getting worse and worse and me being in pain and tears, my OB came in and said it was time to deliver Maxx. On Jan. 6th 2010 at 5:47 pm weighing 7 lbs 5 ozs, Maxxwell Henry Douglas Pingel was brought into my life. When he was born the OB told us that his cord was wrapped around his neck two times. Maxx was my fourth miracle.
Even though I was a single mom when I had Noah. Even thought I was not prepared for Dan to steal my heart. Even thought I had waited so long, and had such a horrible pregnancy with Josie. Even though I was scared out of my mind to have babies 13 months apart when Maxx arrived. I have to admit I would not trade one second of the way my life has gone. Noah, Dan, Josie and Maxx have been worth every second. They are my miracles!!!
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
Unforgettable Christmas
I want to thank all of you who have helped make this a special Christmas for my family. The past three months have been very rough on us all, financially, mentally, emotionally and even physically.
We have been showered with so much love, I can not even believe it. We have had people sending up prayers from coast to coast. We have felt both the love and prayers. I think that is was has helped us keep it together. Through all of this we have found out who our real friends are and who cares for us. We have even had rekindled some old friendships through out all this.
Over the past three months we have been blessed with over $2200 between financial gifts and gift cards from friends and family. We are more grateful than you will ever, ever know. We truly would not have made it during this time with out all your support.
This past Saturday we came home to our house being broken into. Instead of taking things, they left us a ton of gifts under our tree. Sunday morning after we got the kids all up and awake we opened them. There were 10 to 15 gifts per child and a few goodies for Dan and myself. While opening gifts I received a text that had a picture of the Calvary Temple Youth group all gathered around our tree. I found myself in uncontrollable tears at the thought of their generosity. This year they decided to forfeit their gift exchange for each other and instead put all the money they would have spent and get gifts for my family. I am still in awe of the self sacrifice each of them made to bless my family.
I can not get over how we have been so blessed this holiday season. I know that a lot of you have helped make this a very special Christmas. I know that this will be one unforgettable Christmas for The Pingel Five.
We have been showered with so much love, I can not even believe it. We have had people sending up prayers from coast to coast. We have felt both the love and prayers. I think that is was has helped us keep it together. Through all of this we have found out who our real friends are and who cares for us. We have even had rekindled some old friendships through out all this.
Over the past three months we have been blessed with over $2200 between financial gifts and gift cards from friends and family. We are more grateful than you will ever, ever know. We truly would not have made it during this time with out all your support.
This past Saturday we came home to our house being broken into. Instead of taking things, they left us a ton of gifts under our tree. Sunday morning after we got the kids all up and awake we opened them. There were 10 to 15 gifts per child and a few goodies for Dan and myself. While opening gifts I received a text that had a picture of the Calvary Temple Youth group all gathered around our tree. I found myself in uncontrollable tears at the thought of their generosity. This year they decided to forfeit their gift exchange for each other and instead put all the money they would have spent and get gifts for my family. I am still in awe of the self sacrifice each of them made to bless my family.
I can not get over how we have been so blessed this holiday season. I know that a lot of you have helped make this a very special Christmas. I know that this will be one unforgettable Christmas for The Pingel Five.
Friday, December 17, 2010
It could always be worse...
Yesterday was just a bad day! Maxx screamed all day. Late in the afternoon he ended up with a 103 fever. I called the exchange and we ended up at urgent care. He has an ear infection AGAIN! We go the 27th to the ENT to talk about tubes.
I had big plans for the day, dishes, cookies, pretzels and a few other things. Didn't get any of them done because of dealing with Maxx. The day was not a total bust though because I did clean under the dishwasher. It was NASTY. I scrubbed it and now it is so nice and clean. I also scrubbed the sides of the dishwasher and the cabinet next to it. We also have a three drawer organizer next to the dishwasher. I cleaned it and reorganized it,so at least I got something done.
Last night on the way home from urgent care we decided to stop at Arby's. It was 8pm and it was too late to cook. As we were sitting in the drive thru and Josie says, "happy meew" (happy meal). She just kept saying it over and over. It was the first time she has done that. I amazes me and it's sad that she knows a drive thru gets you a happy meal. The other night we ran to my parents house to pick something up, we were a few streets away and she starts yelling, "Nina's house, Nina's house". She knew where we were going. She is just too smart sometimes.
Today I received some disheartening news. One of the dads of a boy in Noah's class passed away yesterday. The boy also played on Noah's baseball team the first year Dan coached. His dad was only 38. It is just so, so sad!
Back in Oct. one of my college friends and his family were hit by a teenager on drugs. They lost their 4 yr old little girl. I haven't talked to my friend in several years and didn't even know his daughter, but I find myself crying from time to time over their loss.
Back in March (I think) my aunt Brenda lost her son Kyle. He was only 22. I didn't know Kyle very well, but still,, he was family.
If you know me well you know I am NOT a crier. I just don't cry. Some may say I have a heart of stone. When I was pregnant with Maxx I found myself crying all the time. It was the hormones. I couldn't wait to have him so I could stop crying. I didn't cry when he was born. The first time I cried after he was born was Jan 14th. The day we almost lost him. At that time, it seemed all I could do is cry. I have since gotten my heart of stone back.
I am finding with Christmas approaching, I am getting more and more emotional. I don't know why. It drives me crazy. I think about how Brenda won't have Kyle, Cameron won't have Makia, and Jeremy won't have Mick. Then I think about Dan being in the hospital and not at home, but at least I will still have him. I can still hold his hand, kiss his forehead and hear his voice. I still have Noah to try to make up jokes. I still have Josie to to yell, "mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy. Hi". I still have Maxx to hold, hug, smile at me and kiss.
I know at Thanksgiving I was finding it hard to be thankful. I prayed that God would give me and thankful heart, and he did. Now that Christmas is drawing near, all I can do is thank God. For my family, my friends, my home, my health. Too many blessing to name them all. For what ever reason my tears are overflowing with thankfulness and joy this year. So if you catch me crying, just ignore me. It's been a rough year on the Pingel Five, but it could have always been worse!!
630
I had big plans for the day, dishes, cookies, pretzels and a few other things. Didn't get any of them done because of dealing with Maxx. The day was not a total bust though because I did clean under the dishwasher. It was NASTY. I scrubbed it and now it is so nice and clean. I also scrubbed the sides of the dishwasher and the cabinet next to it. We also have a three drawer organizer next to the dishwasher. I cleaned it and reorganized it,so at least I got something done.
Last night on the way home from urgent care we decided to stop at Arby's. It was 8pm and it was too late to cook. As we were sitting in the drive thru and Josie says, "happy meew" (happy meal). She just kept saying it over and over. It was the first time she has done that. I amazes me and it's sad that she knows a drive thru gets you a happy meal. The other night we ran to my parents house to pick something up, we were a few streets away and she starts yelling, "Nina's house, Nina's house". She knew where we were going. She is just too smart sometimes.
Today I received some disheartening news. One of the dads of a boy in Noah's class passed away yesterday. The boy also played on Noah's baseball team the first year Dan coached. His dad was only 38. It is just so, so sad!
Back in Oct. one of my college friends and his family were hit by a teenager on drugs. They lost their 4 yr old little girl. I haven't talked to my friend in several years and didn't even know his daughter, but I find myself crying from time to time over their loss.
Back in March (I think) my aunt Brenda lost her son Kyle. He was only 22. I didn't know Kyle very well, but still,, he was family.
If you know me well you know I am NOT a crier. I just don't cry. Some may say I have a heart of stone. When I was pregnant with Maxx I found myself crying all the time. It was the hormones. I couldn't wait to have him so I could stop crying. I didn't cry when he was born. The first time I cried after he was born was Jan 14th. The day we almost lost him. At that time, it seemed all I could do is cry. I have since gotten my heart of stone back.
I am finding with Christmas approaching, I am getting more and more emotional. I don't know why. It drives me crazy. I think about how Brenda won't have Kyle, Cameron won't have Makia, and Jeremy won't have Mick. Then I think about Dan being in the hospital and not at home, but at least I will still have him. I can still hold his hand, kiss his forehead and hear his voice. I still have Noah to try to make up jokes. I still have Josie to to yell, "mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy. Hi". I still have Maxx to hold, hug, smile at me and kiss.
I know at Thanksgiving I was finding it hard to be thankful. I prayed that God would give me and thankful heart, and he did. Now that Christmas is drawing near, all I can do is thank God. For my family, my friends, my home, my health. Too many blessing to name them all. For what ever reason my tears are overflowing with thankfulness and joy this year. So if you catch me crying, just ignore me. It's been a rough year on the Pingel Five, but it could have always been worse!!
630
Thursday, December 16, 2010
Making Lifetime Memories
One of the Jones family traditions is that every year, since I can remember, when we open gifts we play the Oakridge Boys Christmas tape. Yes, you read that right, I said tape. That is how old it is. At my mom and dad's Christmas just wouldn't be Christmas without that music playing. We ALL know every word to every song. For me it let's me know it is "officially" Christmas when I hear that quartet start singing.
On Christmas Eve we give the kids one gift. It is a pair of special Christmas pajamas. The rule is that if they want to, they are allowed to wear those pajamas all day long on Christmas. I started this with Noah on his first Christmas. I have every single pair he has gotten. I figure one day I am going to make a quilt out if them. I always have so much fun shopping for the special pj's gift!!
When Dan was a kid all the gifts under the tree were wrapped and from Santa. He said that after they would tear into the Santa gifts they would go to eat breakfast and there was always one gift on their plate. That gift was from his parents and it was always a special gift. He used to love getting that gift.
This year I think we may have started a new tradition. We let Josie help Dan put up the Christmas tree this year. She helped him fix all the branches and then helped place ornaments on the tree. I think she has told anyone and everyone she sees that, "me help daddy with tree".
She always talks about it. She loves that fact that she helped with the tree. They put the tree up over a month ago and she is still talking about it. It's just adorable. I hope it is something she will never forget, daddy and Josie making lifetime memories.
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Tuesday, December 14, 2010
The little things
First I have to give myself a pat on the back. I have made dinner two nights in a row now. I know what you are thinking. How pathetic is that? Whoop-t-doo! This has been one of may goals to start making more meals for my family. I think it will help our weight and or bank account. I'm just taking baby steps, but cooking is one of the steps I have to take!
My grandma Bilyeu (said blue) was the BEST cook in the world. If you ever got to eat her food, you would know this to be the truth. She passed away when I was 15. The pastor that did her funeral said that she was making the marriage supper of the lamb and when she was finished getting everything ready that Christ would return. That is how good she was! At Christmas and Thanksgiving we couldn't even sit at the table for all the food she would make. She would make anything and everything that we loved. She loved to cook! I never got to get any lessons from her.
My mom and my aunt can cook just like my grandma. I never went hungry growing up because my mom was such a great cook. They are what we call a country cook. The BEST kind of cook.
I have never been a cook. I like to bake, but cooking is not my forte. Since being married, Dan has done most the cooking. I do try from time to time and he humors me and says it was good.
One thing that we like to eat kind of often is breakfast for dinner. I LOVE biscuits and gravy. The rest of the family can live without it. I crave it sometimes. I have tried to make gravy several times. The first time I ever made it, it looked like oatmeal. Total FAIL! My mom has tried showing me over and over. Yet still I fail.
We decided that we were going to have breakfast for dinner tonight and I tried my hand at gravy again. I tried and it just didn't work. I had left enough grease to try again if my first attempt failed. The second time around I called in the big guns, my mom. I did just what she said. As I was cooking it I kept getting more and more excited as it began to look more and more like gravy. Could it be that I actually did it right this time? When I thought it was finish, I tasted it. I had done it. I MADE GRAVY!!!! Me, Stephanie Michelle Pingel MADE GRAVY!!! I couldn't believe my eyes. I couldn't believe my taste buds. I did it! I did IT! I DID IT!!! Had I been alone I would have danced around the kitchen. It was one moment I will never forget! I know it's problably sad that I would get so excited over gravy, but after the year we have had, I will take the little things.
508
My grandma Bilyeu (said blue) was the BEST cook in the world. If you ever got to eat her food, you would know this to be the truth. She passed away when I was 15. The pastor that did her funeral said that she was making the marriage supper of the lamb and when she was finished getting everything ready that Christ would return. That is how good she was! At Christmas and Thanksgiving we couldn't even sit at the table for all the food she would make. She would make anything and everything that we loved. She loved to cook! I never got to get any lessons from her.
My mom and my aunt can cook just like my grandma. I never went hungry growing up because my mom was such a great cook. They are what we call a country cook. The BEST kind of cook.
I have never been a cook. I like to bake, but cooking is not my forte. Since being married, Dan has done most the cooking. I do try from time to time and he humors me and says it was good.
One thing that we like to eat kind of often is breakfast for dinner. I LOVE biscuits and gravy. The rest of the family can live without it. I crave it sometimes. I have tried to make gravy several times. The first time I ever made it, it looked like oatmeal. Total FAIL! My mom has tried showing me over and over. Yet still I fail.
We decided that we were going to have breakfast for dinner tonight and I tried my hand at gravy again. I tried and it just didn't work. I had left enough grease to try again if my first attempt failed. The second time around I called in the big guns, my mom. I did just what she said. As I was cooking it I kept getting more and more excited as it began to look more and more like gravy. Could it be that I actually did it right this time? When I thought it was finish, I tasted it. I had done it. I MADE GRAVY!!!! Me, Stephanie Michelle Pingel MADE GRAVY!!! I couldn't believe my eyes. I couldn't believe my taste buds. I did it! I did IT! I DID IT!!! Had I been alone I would have danced around the kitchen. It was one moment I will never forget! I know it's problably sad that I would get so excited over gravy, but after the year we have had, I will take the little things.
508
Monday, December 13, 2010
Loving every second
Friday we met with the extended Pingel family. It was very nice to see old faces and meet some new ones. We were then going to go see Christmas lights. By the time we were finished with dinner it was 8pm. When we got to the exit they were not allowing us to turn the direction we needed to go. The line was backed up all the way to the highway, so with that and cranky babies, we decided to try another night.
Saturday was filled with hockey, Fast Eddies and a Christmas party. So we didn't have ANY time for lights.
Sunday morning we woke up to a beautiful snow covered ground. I know I am crazy, but winter is my favorite season. I just LOVE snow. I don't like the cold, but I LOVE, LOVE the snow!!!
We have decided until we sell our house and move that we are going to go to church close to home. We have found a really nice church that is about 3 minutes from our house. We all seem to really enjoy it. I was really proud that we all got dressed and ready to go in 45 minutes. Our 3 minute drive did turn into a 5 minutes drive due to the snow on the roads.
We then headed to Culvers for a baseball meeting. This is the part where Dan makes me very, very mad. He had told me the other day that I could either stay at home with the kids or if I wanted to go to the meeting to get some one to keep the kids. So I arranged for my parents to get them. On the way to the meeting while trying to work out the hand off of kids Dan asked me why I had a sitter. He said the meeting was only going to be 15 minutes. With the meeting being only 15 minutes and with the babies sleeping I told my parents to go on to their lunch plans and I would just sit in the car with the kids. Well I guess I should have known better because Dan's meeting went from 15 mins. to 30 mins. to 45 mins to an hour. I sat in the car for an hour. As the minutes went on I felt my blood start to boil more and more. I was very proud of myself though, once he got in the car I didn't yell like I really, really wanted to. He asked if I was mad and I simply asked him, "if I had told him I would only be 15 minutes and it took me an hour, would you be mad". He replied, "yes". That was his answer. I was mad, very, very mad.
We then headed to the in-laws for some football, like we do every Sunday. Maxx was standing at one section of their couch and wanted to get something from the other section. He took his first step. Without even thinking he just let go and took a step. My baby, my last baby. It was my last first step I will see. I'm so happy he's becoming such a big boy, yet so sad he's not going to be my baby for much longer. I know Maxx will always be my baby, but still. He's just growing too fast! When we realized there was no hope for the Rams to catch up and win, we decided to leave and go look at lights.
On our drive to look at lights we passed by St. Johns Hospital. They have white lights in all their trees. As we passed by Josie said, "nose trees daddy". (Notice the trees daddy.) As we journeyed on she would then start yelling, "more wights, more wights". We tried to explain that we were on our way to go see more lights. As we approached the exit there was no line. I thought that it was strange there was NO line on a Sunday night. As we got closer and closer we realized it was closed. CLOSED! What a disappointment. We were driving by where the lights should be Josie starts yelling, "more wights, peas, PEAS"!!! (More lights, please, PLEASE!!) It was too cute. We decided we had nothing else to do, so we just drove around to try to find lights. We did pass a group of homes that were all decked out and by that time Josie had fallen asleep.
I have to admit it did make for a fun night listening to Josie wanting to see the lights so bad. I now can't wait until she does get to see them! She is really proving to be a ton of fun and I am loving every second of it!
465
Saturday was filled with hockey, Fast Eddies and a Christmas party. So we didn't have ANY time for lights.
Sunday morning we woke up to a beautiful snow covered ground. I know I am crazy, but winter is my favorite season. I just LOVE snow. I don't like the cold, but I LOVE, LOVE the snow!!!
We have decided until we sell our house and move that we are going to go to church close to home. We have found a really nice church that is about 3 minutes from our house. We all seem to really enjoy it. I was really proud that we all got dressed and ready to go in 45 minutes. Our 3 minute drive did turn into a 5 minutes drive due to the snow on the roads.
We then headed to Culvers for a baseball meeting. This is the part where Dan makes me very, very mad. He had told me the other day that I could either stay at home with the kids or if I wanted to go to the meeting to get some one to keep the kids. So I arranged for my parents to get them. On the way to the meeting while trying to work out the hand off of kids Dan asked me why I had a sitter. He said the meeting was only going to be 15 minutes. With the meeting being only 15 minutes and with the babies sleeping I told my parents to go on to their lunch plans and I would just sit in the car with the kids. Well I guess I should have known better because Dan's meeting went from 15 mins. to 30 mins. to 45 mins to an hour. I sat in the car for an hour. As the minutes went on I felt my blood start to boil more and more. I was very proud of myself though, once he got in the car I didn't yell like I really, really wanted to. He asked if I was mad and I simply asked him, "if I had told him I would only be 15 minutes and it took me an hour, would you be mad". He replied, "yes". That was his answer. I was mad, very, very mad.
We then headed to the in-laws for some football, like we do every Sunday. Maxx was standing at one section of their couch and wanted to get something from the other section. He took his first step. Without even thinking he just let go and took a step. My baby, my last baby. It was my last first step I will see. I'm so happy he's becoming such a big boy, yet so sad he's not going to be my baby for much longer. I know Maxx will always be my baby, but still. He's just growing too fast! When we realized there was no hope for the Rams to catch up and win, we decided to leave and go look at lights.
On our drive to look at lights we passed by St. Johns Hospital. They have white lights in all their trees. As we passed by Josie said, "nose trees daddy". (Notice the trees daddy.) As we journeyed on she would then start yelling, "more wights, more wights". We tried to explain that we were on our way to go see more lights. As we approached the exit there was no line. I thought that it was strange there was NO line on a Sunday night. As we got closer and closer we realized it was closed. CLOSED! What a disappointment. We were driving by where the lights should be Josie starts yelling, "more wights, peas, PEAS"!!! (More lights, please, PLEASE!!) It was too cute. We decided we had nothing else to do, so we just drove around to try to find lights. We did pass a group of homes that were all decked out and by that time Josie had fallen asleep.
I have to admit it did make for a fun night listening to Josie wanting to see the lights so bad. I now can't wait until she does get to see them! She is really proving to be a ton of fun and I am loving every second of it!
465
Friday, December 10, 2010
Best thing in the world
Yesterday we went to the doctor. What a nightmare. You know, I really don't mind if a doctor is running late. I can deal with that, but tell me he is running late. I hate when they know he is running an hour behind and NO one tells us!! The appointment time was 12:20. We had to be there at 12 to fill out some paper work. We finally saw the doctor at around 2. We had Maxx and Josie with us and the was a mistake. It was lunch time and nap time and that equals train wreck.
The doctor said that we don't want a craniotomy. If they did that they would have to cut open his current scar and make a matching one on the other side. Then they would fold his face down and go in through his forehead. So the plan is to go in through his nose again. This time the ENT and Neoro doctor will be involved. He said they will be doing more on the inside, moving things around and such. The plan is he will go in on the 20th and they will put a drain in his back. He will spend the night and the surgery will be first thing on the 21st. He will be flat on his back for at least 5 days and will get to gradually get up. He probably will not get to go home until the 27th or 28th if then. So he will be in the hospital for Christmas.
I know you are probably thinking, why does he have to have this done now and be in the hospital for Christmas. There are three reasons:
1- With it being flu season and germs everywhere, the fact that he has an open hole to his brain can cause him to get meningitis. We never got an official answer, but we had 2 different doctors tell us his counts showed he DID have meningitis last time and that is what landed him in the hospital in the first place.
2- We have already met our insurance deductible for this year. Between Maxx being born, his two hospital stays and Dan's hospital stay, we won't have to pay a dime for this surgery.
3- If we wait until January our deductible resets. Dan's company is also changing insurance providers and the insurance is going to be worse than what we already have and it will cause us to have even more out of pocket expense. So we are opting to do it NOW!
Last night we went and saw Santa. I am sure most of you have seen the pictures on Facebook. I really had fun. It is one of those things that I love to do! Josie just kept crying and saying, "hold me mommy, hold me mommy". Maxx was so fun to watch. He wasn't sure about Santa, but was just as happy as could be, until he realized Josie was crying and felt he needed to cry too.
For Josie's first Christmas we got her a small Elmo doll. She was only about 6 weeks old. To this day, her prize possession is her Elmo. We have wanted to get Maxx something similar, but not an Elmo. We finally figured out that we would get him a Cookie Monster. We have been on a hunt for a Cookie Monster for the past several weeks. Last night Dan parked at Burlington Coat Factory at the Mills. He saw some cool things when walking in and he wanted to stop on the way out. While walking around he did it. HE FOUND COOKIE MONSTER!!! It is a bit smaller and as a bonus it comes with a book. The best part is it only cost $5. I don't know that last time I have seen Dan so excited over something. He was like a kid in a candy shop. It was just too cute. Major SCORE for us!!
Everyday when I lay Josie down for her nap she always has to sing before she goes to sleep. No particular song, just words to her own tune. It is one of my favorite things she does. She just takes all the words she knows and sings them. Today, like some days was her, "my mommy is the best mommy in the world" song. At one point she even sang,"I wuv mommy". Just enough to make my heart melt and make being a mommy the best thing in the world!!!
Thursday, December 9, 2010
Christmas Spirit
Yesterday was OK. Maxx was so fussy all day. He has a diaper rash and I think he may be getting a tooth or two. Makes for a long day. I just feel so bad for him because he is normally just as sweet as can be.
With having so many stops to make last night and leaving once Dan go home, we decided to eat out. We have now realised that our days of eating out are numbered unless we go to places that "kids eat free". Maxx ate an entire kids meal. The boy loves to eat!
While we were eating a lady was getting her drink and spilled it. She said, "sh$#". She then noticed that we had kids sitting right there and said, "I mean shoot". She then turned red and apologized for cursing. I was really surprised and so thankful she did. Most people curse with my kids around and don't think a thing about it. I was going to stop on the way out and thank her for being conscious of my kids, but they had already left. She made my day.
This afternoon we go see the Neuro surgeon about Dan's CSF leak. I am very anxious to see what he has to say. I haven't been in the happy Christmas spirit yet. I have been in the sad Christmas spirit though. I think it has to do with the fact that everything is so up in the air about Dan being home for Christmas. The more I think about it the more it bothers me. Not for me, but for him. I know how he is really not looking forward to having this surgery again. I know it was HELL for him last time and this time will probably be even worse. Until you have been there, it is very hard to watch the man you love having to go through anything like this. Last time I never cried until he was out of surgery, then I kind of lost it. I just hate that the surgery didn't work. We prayed and prayed for healing and I just don't get why God doesn't answer our prayers and makes us go through things some times. There is a reason for everything and one day I know we will realize what the reason was.
If he isn't home for Christmas, we have decided that we are going to wait until he is home befoer we have The Pingel Five Christmas. Just have a late Christmas. I did tell Noah that if dad is in the hospital that we will take his Santa gift to the hospital and then dad will get to see him open it. Noah seemed fine with that.
I'm sure once all is said and done, things will be fine. I am just trying to take things one day at a time. I know this Christmas will be one to remember. Just another day in the journey of being The Pingel Five!
With having so many stops to make last night and leaving once Dan go home, we decided to eat out. We have now realised that our days of eating out are numbered unless we go to places that "kids eat free". Maxx ate an entire kids meal. The boy loves to eat!
While we were eating a lady was getting her drink and spilled it. She said, "sh$#". She then noticed that we had kids sitting right there and said, "I mean shoot". She then turned red and apologized for cursing. I was really surprised and so thankful she did. Most people curse with my kids around and don't think a thing about it. I was going to stop on the way out and thank her for being conscious of my kids, but they had already left. She made my day.
This afternoon we go see the Neuro surgeon about Dan's CSF leak. I am very anxious to see what he has to say. I haven't been in the happy Christmas spirit yet. I have been in the sad Christmas spirit though. I think it has to do with the fact that everything is so up in the air about Dan being home for Christmas. The more I think about it the more it bothers me. Not for me, but for him. I know how he is really not looking forward to having this surgery again. I know it was HELL for him last time and this time will probably be even worse. Until you have been there, it is very hard to watch the man you love having to go through anything like this. Last time I never cried until he was out of surgery, then I kind of lost it. I just hate that the surgery didn't work. We prayed and prayed for healing and I just don't get why God doesn't answer our prayers and makes us go through things some times. There is a reason for everything and one day I know we will realize what the reason was.
If he isn't home for Christmas, we have decided that we are going to wait until he is home befoer we have The Pingel Five Christmas. Just have a late Christmas. I did tell Noah that if dad is in the hospital that we will take his Santa gift to the hospital and then dad will get to see him open it. Noah seemed fine with that.
I'm sure once all is said and done, things will be fine. I am just trying to take things one day at a time. I know this Christmas will be one to remember. Just another day in the journey of being The Pingel Five!
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
I Blame Dan...
This post is going to jump around again. You may as well get used to it. All my posts are my random thoughts for the day!!
Growing up I was just like my mom, a people pleaser. Never liking confrontation, wanted everyone to be happy, never wanted to make anyone mad at me. As I have gotten older I have become more and more like my dad, tell you like it is. Not take any ones crap, if you don't like me, too bad for you! This change started when I turned 30 and to make matters worse I was pregnant. Trust me you don't want to make a pregnant woman angry! This month I will be 33. I have found that the past three years, I care less and less what people think of me. If they make me mad, I am going to tell them about it. I do have to admit I am still like my mom in the way that it takes a lot to make me mad, but once I'm mad, I AM MAD!!! I am also finding that more things make me mad too.
None of that has to do with Noah, believe it or not. It's all to do with adults, acting like children. I know I'm probably guilty of it from time to time, but when are people going to realize they are adults and start acting like it? We are NOT in high school any more folks!!!
I don't get why I let such childish things bother me so bad sometimes. I waste so much energy and time and effort being angry and letting my blood boil. I guess I need to be more adult and let it roll off my shoulders. Easier said than done!!
I have to admit, we had a pregnancy scare. Well scare for Dan, not so much for me. I completely skipped my November cycle. Thought I was pregnant even though Dan had a vasectomy back in September. He has never gone to get the follow up counts. Part of that is because he was out of commission most of October and November. So it was a far fetched idea, but still a possibility. I am finding that I am a bit sad. I know, I know, I can't even handle the three I have, how could I want another? As I little girl I always wanted a big family four to six kids. I'm pretty sure I will never be a mother of four. I really need to come to grips with that. Some days I have, some I haven't. I am so thankful for the three I have. I thank God every day for each of them. Although some may say I am a mom of four. Some days they are right!!
Dan got home very late last night, so this morning when he woke up he went in to greet the babies. Only to find that Maxx had taken off his diaper and had poop everywhere. It was caked all over him. So, so nasty. So we did a divide and conquer. Dan took the bed and floor. I took Maxx. Josie has done the same thing several times. Noah NEVER did this. I told Dan it's because Maxx and Josie are his kids. I blame Dan!!
Growing up I was just like my mom, a people pleaser. Never liking confrontation, wanted everyone to be happy, never wanted to make anyone mad at me. As I have gotten older I have become more and more like my dad, tell you like it is. Not take any ones crap, if you don't like me, too bad for you! This change started when I turned 30 and to make matters worse I was pregnant. Trust me you don't want to make a pregnant woman angry! This month I will be 33. I have found that the past three years, I care less and less what people think of me. If they make me mad, I am going to tell them about it. I do have to admit I am still like my mom in the way that it takes a lot to make me mad, but once I'm mad, I AM MAD!!! I am also finding that more things make me mad too.
None of that has to do with Noah, believe it or not. It's all to do with adults, acting like children. I know I'm probably guilty of it from time to time, but when are people going to realize they are adults and start acting like it? We are NOT in high school any more folks!!!
I don't get why I let such childish things bother me so bad sometimes. I waste so much energy and time and effort being angry and letting my blood boil. I guess I need to be more adult and let it roll off my shoulders. Easier said than done!!
I have to admit, we had a pregnancy scare. Well scare for Dan, not so much for me. I completely skipped my November cycle. Thought I was pregnant even though Dan had a vasectomy back in September. He has never gone to get the follow up counts. Part of that is because he was out of commission most of October and November. So it was a far fetched idea, but still a possibility. I am finding that I am a bit sad. I know, I know, I can't even handle the three I have, how could I want another? As I little girl I always wanted a big family four to six kids. I'm pretty sure I will never be a mother of four. I really need to come to grips with that. Some days I have, some I haven't. I am so thankful for the three I have. I thank God every day for each of them. Although some may say I am a mom of four. Some days they are right!!
Dan got home very late last night, so this morning when he woke up he went in to greet the babies. Only to find that Maxx had taken off his diaper and had poop everywhere. It was caked all over him. So, so nasty. So we did a divide and conquer. Dan took the bed and floor. I took Maxx. Josie has done the same thing several times. Noah NEVER did this. I told Dan it's because Maxx and Josie are his kids. I blame Dan!!
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
Home Sweet Home
I was so excited to get to go on a second honeymoon with Dan over the weekend. We had originally talked about going to Colorado for our actual honeymoon, but for whatever reason we didn't go.
While at the airport getting ready to leave, there were a group of Muslims sitting across the way from us. It was a group of four young men, one young lady and an older man. At one point I happen to look across and notice the older man take off his shoes, turn his body to the setting sun, begin to pray and bow, right there in his seat. It got me thinking about the fact that he didn't care that he was in an airport filled with hundreds of people and several surrounding him, but he was going to stop and pray no matter what. He didn't care who was watching. It made me think about myself and my relationship with Christ. Was I willing to worship, no matter who was watching or around me? Was I willing to stop what I was doing to pray? As I thought about it longer and looked deep in my heart, I found the answer was no. Me, a christian for most my life, not willing to worship no matter what. Really?
As part of my life changing, one of the things I want to do is a daily devotion. Read the word and pray, everyday, no matter what. I have always struggled to find the time to do this. OK TAKE the time to do it. Not anymore though, I am going to MAKE time for GOD. How can I expect God to take time to for me, when I fail to take time for him....
Looking at the mountains and all the beauty around me was so awe inspiring. I found myself singing "How great is our God, sing with me how great is our God, All will see how great, how great is our God" over and over in my head as we drove through the mountains. It was just more beautiful than I could have imagined. Just breath taking!
While I was gone I got word that my grandma was sick and admitted to the hospital. They thought she was having a heart attack. Everything ended up OK, but it was very hard being so far away. Especially since I am her #1 granddaughter, both in birth order and in her heart. (Let's keep this a secret though, because the other girls don't know I'm #1). I wanted to call her, but knew that I would not be able to keep it together to talk to her, so I didn't. On Sunday once I knew she was OK I called, we chatted and I apologized for not calling and explained why I hadn't. She understood, like the wonderful grandma that she is would!
As beautiful as the mountains were. As wonderful as a time Dan and I were having. As much as I needed a break from being mommy. I still missed home and my kids. I won't ever get how someone could walk away from their kids, because after three days away from them, I could NOT wait to see them. I missed Noah making two goals at his hockey game. I missed Josie yelling, "mom... mom.. mom..mom...mom...mom", "hi". I missed Maxx's electric smile. I even missed my bed.
Having to come home two days before Dan and not having him around was not something I was looking forward to. I never sleep well without him by my side. It's just nice to know that if the kids gang up on me, he is there to bail me out, but I have to say the kids were GREAT!! Noah was such a huge help! He wasn't any trouble, and was happy to help. Maxx and Josie were, like always, a handful, but Noah helped make it all better when he came home from school.
Dan is on his way home now and will be here in a few hours. I will be soo glad to give him a huge hug and have The Pingel Five back together again.
While at the airport getting ready to leave, there were a group of Muslims sitting across the way from us. It was a group of four young men, one young lady and an older man. At one point I happen to look across and notice the older man take off his shoes, turn his body to the setting sun, begin to pray and bow, right there in his seat. It got me thinking about the fact that he didn't care that he was in an airport filled with hundreds of people and several surrounding him, but he was going to stop and pray no matter what. He didn't care who was watching. It made me think about myself and my relationship with Christ. Was I willing to worship, no matter who was watching or around me? Was I willing to stop what I was doing to pray? As I thought about it longer and looked deep in my heart, I found the answer was no. Me, a christian for most my life, not willing to worship no matter what. Really?
As part of my life changing, one of the things I want to do is a daily devotion. Read the word and pray, everyday, no matter what. I have always struggled to find the time to do this. OK TAKE the time to do it. Not anymore though, I am going to MAKE time for GOD. How can I expect God to take time to for me, when I fail to take time for him....
Looking at the mountains and all the beauty around me was so awe inspiring. I found myself singing "How great is our God, sing with me how great is our God, All will see how great, how great is our God" over and over in my head as we drove through the mountains. It was just more beautiful than I could have imagined. Just breath taking!
While I was gone I got word that my grandma was sick and admitted to the hospital. They thought she was having a heart attack. Everything ended up OK, but it was very hard being so far away. Especially since I am her #1 granddaughter, both in birth order and in her heart. (Let's keep this a secret though, because the other girls don't know I'm #1). I wanted to call her, but knew that I would not be able to keep it together to talk to her, so I didn't. On Sunday once I knew she was OK I called, we chatted and I apologized for not calling and explained why I hadn't. She understood, like the wonderful grandma that she is would!
As beautiful as the mountains were. As wonderful as a time Dan and I were having. As much as I needed a break from being mommy. I still missed home and my kids. I won't ever get how someone could walk away from their kids, because after three days away from them, I could NOT wait to see them. I missed Noah making two goals at his hockey game. I missed Josie yelling, "mom... mom.. mom..mom...mom...mom", "hi". I missed Maxx's electric smile. I even missed my bed.
Having to come home two days before Dan and not having him around was not something I was looking forward to. I never sleep well without him by my side. It's just nice to know that if the kids gang up on me, he is there to bail me out, but I have to say the kids were GREAT!! Noah was such a huge help! He wasn't any trouble, and was happy to help. Maxx and Josie were, like always, a handful, but Noah helped make it all better when he came home from school.
Dan is on his way home now and will be here in a few hours. I will be soo glad to give him a huge hug and have The Pingel Five back together again.
Friday, December 3, 2010
Taking the weekend off
I have decided that I am going to take this weekend off from blogging. I am going to enjoy this time alone with my husband and the time being a way from my kids. Refresh myself, if I may.
We are going to see all the sites since I have never been to Colorado. I will be taking lots of pictures and will post them and write all about it once I get home.
One last thought.. I have been looking forward to this time away from the kids for some time now. A mom just needs a break sometimes. By all my posts, you can tell mine has been long over due. I find it funny that while I am away from them, all I can do is think about them!!
We are going to see all the sites since I have never been to Colorado. I will be taking lots of pictures and will post them and write all about it once I get home.
One last thought.. I have been looking forward to this time away from the kids for some time now. A mom just needs a break sometimes. By all my posts, you can tell mine has been long over due. I find it funny that while I am away from them, all I can do is think about them!!
Thursday, December 2, 2010
Mom he needs me to be
With wanting to try to be a better mom/wife, I figured it was time for an overhaul. Last night I went and got a hair cut, got my eyebrows waxed and then today, I colored my hair. I really like it. I feel good and look good. Although the comments from Noah saying that he hated it and I am an embarrassment to him did not help.
I was very lucky because my grandma kept the babies for me while I did my running. Noah tagged along with me. I have no clue why he wanted to go with me, but I was OK with it. I have really tried to be one of those lovey, dovey, talk to my child nice moms. I promise, I really have! However by the end of the night I found myself yelling and Noah ended up in bed after dinner. I find I get very frustrated with him. I don't know if it the medicine or what, but last night he asked me 20 times (and I'm not exaggerating), "what are we having for dinner". I told him nicely 19 times, "I don't know". The twentieth I blew up. I just couldn't take it. I lost it. I let him and myself down.
I had someone who keeps him often, although I can't remember who it is, tell me that Noah doesn't respond unless you yell. I am finding that to be true. I try so hard to be nice and give choices and all. Then I find I get better results if I just yell and start taking things away. Noah is such a stubborn child, very strong willed. I think that is going to be the next book I read, The Strong Willed Child, by Dr. James Dobson. Maybe it will shed some light on Noah. I can NOT be the only parent that has a child this stubborn.
Before you judge me and the way I parent Noah, I say Noah because he is a different breed than the babies. I was a single mom with Noah for 4 years. Just me and him. That's it! His biological father or "J" as we will call him, visited Noah maybe 10 times in the 4 years before Dan came along. I know he has deep rooted abandonment issues. He has horrible anxiety. He's so scared that he's going to lose one of us. I know I can owe that to "J". It just kills me. I don't get how someone can walk away from their child like he did.
I recently found out that Noah has two other half brothers. One is a month older than Josie and the other is about 4 months younger than Maxx. I hope and pray that when he is old enough to understand everything that happened between "J" and myself that he doesn't end up resenting me. I hope he knows we only did it because it was what was best for Noah. Dan loves Noah just as much as Josie and Maxx. I hope he looks back and sees that. I know right now things are jaded because we have to take care of Maxx and Josie; feed, clothe, bathe, change, and watch them a lot closer. He is independent. I just hope he gets it.
He may not know it, but he is MY life. I have a special bond with him because of our 4 years of just us. I have loved him longer. He was my number one. He saved my life. When I had him and after I was in such a dark part of my life, and he helped me through it.
To give you an example, I was very depressed at one point. I had decided to commit suicide. I was going to hang myself in my parent garage so when they came home, they would find me. (Please know I was at a completely different place, a VERY selfish, self centered stage in my life. I was only 22.) My parents were supposed to take Noah, who was about Maxx's age, to church with them. Something in my mom's gut said don't take Noah tonight. So they didn't. I couldn't bare the thought of him seeing me do it and then him living his life knowing that "J" didn't want him and now I didn't either. So I didn't do it. THAT is only reason I didn't do it, because of Noah. I owe my life to Noah.
I hope one day he realizes just how much I love him and all I tried to do for him. I wish I could get inside his head and knew what made him tick. Then I could really be the mom he needs me to be. I love him soo much and one day I will be that mom!!!
I was very lucky because my grandma kept the babies for me while I did my running. Noah tagged along with me. I have no clue why he wanted to go with me, but I was OK with it. I have really tried to be one of those lovey, dovey, talk to my child nice moms. I promise, I really have! However by the end of the night I found myself yelling and Noah ended up in bed after dinner. I find I get very frustrated with him. I don't know if it the medicine or what, but last night he asked me 20 times (and I'm not exaggerating), "what are we having for dinner". I told him nicely 19 times, "I don't know". The twentieth I blew up. I just couldn't take it. I lost it. I let him and myself down.
I had someone who keeps him often, although I can't remember who it is, tell me that Noah doesn't respond unless you yell. I am finding that to be true. I try so hard to be nice and give choices and all. Then I find I get better results if I just yell and start taking things away. Noah is such a stubborn child, very strong willed. I think that is going to be the next book I read, The Strong Willed Child, by Dr. James Dobson. Maybe it will shed some light on Noah. I can NOT be the only parent that has a child this stubborn.
Before you judge me and the way I parent Noah, I say Noah because he is a different breed than the babies. I was a single mom with Noah for 4 years. Just me and him. That's it! His biological father or "J" as we will call him, visited Noah maybe 10 times in the 4 years before Dan came along. I know he has deep rooted abandonment issues. He has horrible anxiety. He's so scared that he's going to lose one of us. I know I can owe that to "J". It just kills me. I don't get how someone can walk away from their child like he did.
I recently found out that Noah has two other half brothers. One is a month older than Josie and the other is about 4 months younger than Maxx. I hope and pray that when he is old enough to understand everything that happened between "J" and myself that he doesn't end up resenting me. I hope he knows we only did it because it was what was best for Noah. Dan loves Noah just as much as Josie and Maxx. I hope he looks back and sees that. I know right now things are jaded because we have to take care of Maxx and Josie; feed, clothe, bathe, change, and watch them a lot closer. He is independent. I just hope he gets it.
He may not know it, but he is MY life. I have a special bond with him because of our 4 years of just us. I have loved him longer. He was my number one. He saved my life. When I had him and after I was in such a dark part of my life, and he helped me through it.
To give you an example, I was very depressed at one point. I had decided to commit suicide. I was going to hang myself in my parent garage so when they came home, they would find me. (Please know I was at a completely different place, a VERY selfish, self centered stage in my life. I was only 22.) My parents were supposed to take Noah, who was about Maxx's age, to church with them. Something in my mom's gut said don't take Noah tonight. So they didn't. I couldn't bare the thought of him seeing me do it and then him living his life knowing that "J" didn't want him and now I didn't either. So I didn't do it. THAT is only reason I didn't do it, because of Noah. I owe my life to Noah.
I hope one day he realizes just how much I love him and all I tried to do for him. I wish I could get inside his head and knew what made him tick. Then I could really be the mom he needs me to be. I love him soo much and one day I will be that mom!!!
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
Joys in the morning
Those of you who know me really well know I am not a morning person. I am one who needs 12 hours of sleep a day, and when that sun rises for the day to start, I get grumpy. I HATE the morning. It's may be more that I hate to wake up.
When I was a little girl my mom used to sing to me every morning, "Oscar The Grouch lives in this house and her name is Stephanie Jones". I hated hear that song because it meant it was time to get up.
I have found I still don't like to get up, but I have 2 beautiful babies who do. Going in to get them and greet them in the morning is one of my favorite things to do. Josie is normally singing and so glad to see me with a huge smile on her face. Maxx is normally standing and waving for me to come pick him up, with a huge two dimpled smile on his face.
They get this morning happiness from their dad. He wakes up singing show tunes and dancing around like something in a musical. It drives me nuts. I normally tell him to shut up and leave me out of the musical, because I am still trying to sleep.
The babies are so much fun at this age. Happy, smiley and bright eyed to greet this grumpy mommy every day. They are MY joys in the morning!
When I was a little girl my mom used to sing to me every morning, "Oscar The Grouch lives in this house and her name is Stephanie Jones". I hated hear that song because it meant it was time to get up.
I have found I still don't like to get up, but I have 2 beautiful babies who do. Going in to get them and greet them in the morning is one of my favorite things to do. Josie is normally singing and so glad to see me with a huge smile on her face. Maxx is normally standing and waving for me to come pick him up, with a huge two dimpled smile on his face.
They get this morning happiness from their dad. He wakes up singing show tunes and dancing around like something in a musical. It drives me nuts. I normally tell him to shut up and leave me out of the musical, because I am still trying to sleep.
The babies are so much fun at this age. Happy, smiley and bright eyed to greet this grumpy mommy every day. They are MY joys in the morning!
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