You didn't

It's been about 4 months since my last post. You missed me, right?!?

We have been busy with baseball and moving and just a ton of things. Here's what you've missed:

We moved to my parents basement.
We broke ground on our new home.
Noah turned 11.
We have gone camping 2 times.
Baseball started for the Vipers (Noah's baseball team).
I volunteered to be the team parent for Noah's 6th grade football team.
Vipers won 2nd place for the season.
We (me and the kids) have spent lots of time at the pool this summer.

Now on to the upcoming events! The biggest news and only those of you who live under a rock wouldn't know this, but we CLOSE ON OUR HOUSE TOMORROW!!!! It is finally ready and so are we!

Yesterday I took all my kids to my Aunt Tammy's. This is so we can get unpacked and a bit settled and not have to worry about entertaining 2 kids while doing so!

I am going to change this blog up a bit. I am going to TRY to be a bit more light hearted and I am going to share my journey in unpacking and getting my NEW home organized. This is going to be a fun task and can't wait to get going.

If any of you have any advice on unpacking and getting organized as I go, I will take it!

If you thought you got rid of me, you didn't!

CRAZYNESS....

Well many of you know by now we have sold our house and are building a new one. We have to be out of ours in just two weeks. I have not blogged lately due to the fact, I'm just so busy. Once we get moved to my parents, I will get back to blogging more often. Until then, bare with me!

I also am adding a new page, it is the "New House" page. This way you can keep up on the building progress of our new house. This is a very exciting adventure for The Pingel Five and I want to share it all with you!!!

Grateful....

Yesterday it was pointed out to me by a dear friend that I seem to be ungrateful at times. I want to apologize to everyone for that. The fact is that I am VERY grateful for what I have. I don't think I can be grateful enough. I thank God everyday, all day for The Pingel Five.

You see the fact is that I could be a mom of two right now, but God chose to give me another chance and allowed me to stay a mom of three.

I light of this I am going to start something new. At the end of each post, I am going to list one thing about my family that I am thankful for. To help keep me in check and to remind me that I am grateful.

Today I am grateful for all the, "I love you, mom" ('s) (from Noah) and all the, "I wuv you" ('s) (from Josie), I get, just when I need them!

That sentence is probably a grammatical nightmare... but you get the picture! ;)

Me and Me alone

I am sorry for not blogging much lately. Things have been crazy around our house. I have a lot to blog about and can't at this time. I hope to be able to soon.

I have not made much progress on my weight loss. My nails on the other hand are growing like weeds. LOL Why can't weight loss be as easy as it was to stop biting my nails. Oh well, I am back to trying at least. I have got to become more healthy. I just have to!

I think sometimes I am just too hard on my self and need to lighten up. I just need to lighten up in general, about everything in my life. I need to let go.

I have been trying to organize my life a bit. Trying to come up with chores for Noah. Trying to potty train Josie. Trying to floss more. Trying to set a meal plan in place, so when things get crazy when baseball starts, my kids aren't eating dinner at 8:30-9pm.

I have been trying so hard to make everyone else happy that I have forgotten that I need to make myself happy. I think if I make myself happy, that along the way it will make everyone else happy too. I need to do all of this for ME and ME alone!!

Over Joyed!!!

The past few week have been a roller coaster of emotions. Trying to figure out God's perfect plan for our family. We have our house on the market. We have our cats we have to get rid of... Just so many things going on. Some of which I can not go into at this time.

We have been trying to figure out the best way to get rid of our debt. Should I go back to work full time, should I continue to stay home? Should we stay planted here (where we hate and want to get away from and have for several years) or should we up root and start over...

We think we have figured out a way to make things work. It seems that everything on this path is falling into place. We have found the reset button for our lives and are getting ready to press it. A fresh start for The Pingel Five.

I have to admit we are taking a leap of faith, trusting GOD will see us through. Trusting he is opening the doors for us to walk through. He has blessed my family greatly and continues to do so. He is making all our hopes and dreams as a family come true.

Dan and I often sit and talk about our vision for The Pingel Five and are so excited to see them finally begin to unfold. This has been a long time coming and we will continue to walk through the doors as God opens them.

Thank you GOD for all your blessings to my family. We trust you have GREAT things in store for us here in 2011, and are over joyed to see your hand at work in the house hold of The Pingel Five!!!

Maybe it's time to unpack!

Last night I sat down and counted up all of my families hospital stays. I went back to March of 2008. That is when I got pregnant with Josie. Do you know who has spent the most time at the hospital? If you guessed me, you were right. I have spent 47 days/nights the last two years in the hospital. That total is time I have been in for myself and time I spent staying with the kids or Dan. Do you know who has not spent a single night in the hospital? If you guessed Noah, you were right!

I have an emergency bag that I keep packed. It is a bag with all my "must haves". Tooth brush, deodorant, shampoo, conditioner, body wash, that kind of stuff. I packed it after my first trip to the hospital while I was pregnant with Josie. It is kept in our closet so any time any one ends up in the hospital Dan knows right where it is, so he can bring it to me. It's been a life saver for him, so he hasn't had to search out every item.

2010 by far was the worst year for The Pingel Five. We had 6 hospital stays. Many people have said things like, "I thought this year was supposed to be better for you guys". Let me just say it already has been a great year. Here is why:

Dan's car broke, it only cost us $75 to fix it.
Our furnace broke, it only cost $50 to fix.
Our HUGE family TV broke, it only cost $50 to fix.

Each of those items could have cost us thousands to fix, but they didn't. I am trying to see the good and all the blessings after such a rough year.

As far as my emergency bag, maybe it's time to unpack!!

Reason to over react!

Today is Friday February 4, 2011. I am sitting at St. Johns Mercy Hospital with my Maxx. He was admitted last night after our second trip to the ER in 24 hours. He has asthma. Now I say that loosely because at this young of an age they will not / can not "officially" diagnose him with asthma. They say it is on the assumption because of the family history. My mother has it. His great grandma Garst died from an asthma attack and I have it.

I have to admit I am feeling a bit guilty. In the past when he was making "wheezing" sounds I would take him into the doctor and they say his lungs were clear. So this time I kept thinking he was OK. The doctors office was closed on Wednesday, so I kept thinking I'm sure I'm just over reacting, like always. After a phone call from uncle Dr. Chris and him hearing Maxx breathing while talking to me, he suggested that he be seen at the ER.

We went to the ER and sure enough he was wheezing. He was extremely tight and not moving air very well at all. They gave him a treatment that lasted an hour. He responded well to that, so they gave us a steroid script and some instructions on home treatments and sent us on our way.
I had him sleep with me Wednesday night, more so I could hold him and make sure he was breathing OK.

Thursday morning he seemed OK. We went about our routine. As the day went on he seemed to get worse and worse again. Then my grandma called. She could hear him, so she passed me to my mom. She could hear him, so she passed me to my uncle (who is a firemedic). He could hear him and suggested going back to the ER. I called the doctor's exchange and the nurse I talked with could also hear him and also suggested the ER again.

Thursday evening we when we got to the ER, we signed in and were told to take a seat. They then took us to the peds area and waited another 10 mins. They called us back to the triage nurse and she took one look and listened and they rushed us back to a room. The doctor came in and listened and right off the bat said we would be staying.

Now here we are on Friday. Just got word we probably won't be going home until tomorrow.

Wouldn't you know, the one time (OK 2 times) I think I am just over reacting that he really is sick. I am so glad that I took the advice of other along with my mothers intuition and went ahead and went. Had I not, he probably would have gotten to the point of no return.

I am going to stop worrying about over reacting. Because like this time, maybe there is a reason to over react!!!

Right Back On...

There is never a dull moment at The Pingel Five house hold. The past three days we have had a squirrel in out fireplace. Today I called Florissant animal control and they came right out with a trap. Now we are just waiting for the silly rodent to take the bate.

I have fallen off the wagon. I have not done so well at my diet the last week. I am finding that the more I eat the more I am hungry. It seems the less I eat, the less I am hungry and don't eat as much. I also find when I am stressed I tend to eat more. We have had a lot of stressful decisions to make the last few weeks and it has gone to my butt!! Don't ask me what they were (at some point soon, I will be able to elaborate)!

I thought I would try to make a list to remind my self why I want to lose weight.

-For my kids (I want to be able to run around and play with them)
-For myself (I want to feel good about myself)
-I want to be healthy
-I want to go to the movies and not have to put the arm rest up between me and Dan
-I want to shop in the normal sizes, not the plus sizes
-I want my size to be in the single numbers not double digits
-I don't want my kids to end up like me FAT!

From now on when I fall off the wagon I have these to help me get right back on!!

Giving back to him a portion of what he has given us!

We have had a ton on our mind lately. Seems things are looking up more and more every day, other than the fact that Dan's car won't start. We have our mechanic coming today to look at it. It shouldn't cost too much to fix.

This past Sunday we started FPU (Financial Peace University). The first lesson was start a $1000 emergency fund. We for once had the money, so Dan set it aside. We have it now, only to have to dip into it already to get the car fixed. We are thinking the fix will be $150 or less, so that is not the end of the world.

One thing my inner self has always struggled with is the guilt of tithing. I know a lot of my readers are church goers who know the importance of tithing. Just in case you are not familiar with it, the Bible says that we are to give 10% of your income back to him. There are too many scriptures on it to list, so if you are interested in learning more Google it! Anyway I used to tithe when I was single. When Dan and I got married we could not afford it. I had felt conviction over it time after time and finally talked Dan into finding the money. I promise you, after less than two months of tithing I got pregnant with Josie after trying for 27 months. Coincidence, I think not! We were finally being obedient to God and he was blessing us.

After a while with all the medical bills piling up and all, we slacked off and stopped tithing. That was 2 years ago. I have been feeling the guilt again of not tithing. I know how God provides if we are faithful to him. I have seen it over and over, not only in others lives, but in my own. So after nagging Dan to death about it, he told me the other day that he been saving out tithe money. We have not decided where to tithe just yet, but we are setting aside that money for God. We will probably start giving to the church we have been attending. (That is a story for another day). I know that we may not have it every time, but part of being faithful is saying, "God, I don't have the extra money this week, but I am going to be faithful and give to you anyway. You have never left my family hungry and I know you will provide for us"!!

It seems since he has been setting aside that money that we keep receiving unexpected blessing after blessing. I have always heard the saying, "you can't afford not to tithe". I am finding it more and more to be true. I really have a feeling that God has great things in store for The Pingel Five this year. We are getting our health back, I may have a job and many more things. All things I will talk about at some point... I think it has a lot to do with us just being faithful and giving back to him a portion of what he has given us!!

The Pingel Five

Yesterday I discovered that someone reported my blog to Facebook. Who ever did it needs to un-friend me. I will never know who you are! In fact if you are that petty, I don't want to be your friend. Just as an FYI, it was your choice to read what I write. No one made you!!!

Sorry, I'm just really upset about that. I'm off my soap box now! We are working on getting a RSS feed so those of you who do want to read can subscribe. You will then get an e-mail saying that I have a new post.

On to today's post...

It really amazes me how Josie's vocabulary has really blossomed. It seems just six months ago I was so worried that she was behind. Now there isn't a single word that she won't try to say. Do I understand all of them, no, but I do understand 99% of them. She is also saying sentences. It seems with every one she is adding more and more words. I am just so proud of her! She is one smart cookie.

Maxx is 12 1/2 months old and is still not walking. It is starting to bother me. He will take a few steps, but no "real" walking. Every time we try he will take 2 or 3 then sit. Is it that he is being lazy, is he spoiled, or is he just not ready? He has been taking steps for two months now. I think it's time for him to become a big boy and walk.

Noah, I have one thing to say about him... HE IS THE BEST BIG BROTHER IN THE WORLD!!! He has done an awesome job of helping me with the babies while Dan has been "out of commission". Don't know what I would do if I didn't have his extra help. I guess God knew the future and knew what he was doing when he gave me Noah!!

It seems I have more fans than I realize. I even have one from Texas, that I don't even know. Now how cool is that!!??!! She even suggested a book to read, I got it this week and am reading it. Thanks Penelope!!!

I am doing great on my diet and my nails. I must say I am really proud of myself. I am sure you are getting tired of me saying how proud I am, but I think self praise is a key part to my success, so deal!

I got a call last week from a lady about babysitting. She said that she would call me this week about setting up a time to come and meet me. I figured I would never hear back from her. Well, I did. She is coming next Wednesday to meet me and see my house. If all goes well, I will probably start keeping her boys the first week in Feb. We really need the money right now, so I am going to do my part. It also allows me to still stay home with the babies, so that is a plus!

Dan is Dan. He started a blog two weeks ago and has only blogged two times. I say he's a slacker. He says he has nothing to write about and that he doesn't want to be boring. Well till you get the hang of it some times you may be boring. For that matter this post is boring. LOL

Today is a snow day. We have about a foot. I don't ever remember ever having this much snow. I think Noah is going to go out and play. I think I will send Josie out with him. She just loves the snow. Then she will get mad when it's time to come in.

I think that is all for now. Sorry today's is so dull! Just anther day in the life of The Pingel Five.

Spring is just around the corner!

This week has been a crazy week so far....

It all started Friday late afternoon. Noah, Maxx, Josie and I were all on our way to meet Dan at the church where we were having Maxx's 1st birthday party. I heard a strange noise and turned to see Josie vomiting all over herself. Not able to pull over and do anything, I kept driving. She continued to projectile vomit 3 more times in my van. Let me just say I learned the hard way where the worst place for a child to get sick is... your car/van in their car seat. What a mess.

I called Dan and we went into a panic. Do we cancel, do we keep things as planned? We quickly decided to keep things as planned. I called my mom and she agreed to take Josie to her house and keep her during the party.

Poor Maxx was not his usual self. He was really cranky and started diarrhea. I felt bad, but I rushed through gifts and then the cake. We knew he wasn't going to last very long. He was a trooper. My in-laws had wanted to keep Maxx Friday night, so he spent the night with them.

Saturday rolls around and I wake up with a migraine. Of all days to have one, it had to be the day that both babies were sick as dogs and Dan still can't lift them. Pat dropped off Maxx and ended up taking Josie. She wanted to go with her, so we let her. Poor Maxx ended up sleeping 18 hours. He was one sick puppy. Josie seemed to be doing better, then got sick again that evening. With the migraine that hit, I then started getting sick also. I thought I was getting the flu like the others, but it seems it was just migraine induced sickness.

Today is Wednesday and Josie is FINALLY fine. Maxx is starting to seem better. Now it's Noah's turn! Poor kid, you know he's not feeling good if he just lays around.

I have to say the past 4 months, especially with the babies, it seems that they just past sickness around. I have to say, I CAN NOT wait for winter to be over!! We need to get over all this sickness. I am hoping they are just getting it all out of their systems now, so in the years to come they are much healthier. I have been trying to give them vitamins. I remember most days. It's just getting into the habit. I can't wait for spring. I'm so glad that spring is just around the corner!

One day I will never forget...

One year ago today if you would have asked me if I had any idea what was about to happen, I would have said you were crazy...

We had been home from the hospital with our sweet baby Maxx for 3 days now. Things were going OK. He was really yellow and losing weight, but the pediatrician did not seem concerned. I had went and gotten my staples out. All 33 of them. That in it self was a nightmare because I had a skin infection and they let an inter take them out. It was pretty bad. The good thing was that after they were out, I did feel a TON better.

I found with the staples I was not able to lay down in a bed, so I had been sleeping in the back room in my recliner. We had an entire set up back there with the bassinet and a changing station. I had decided that I wanted to try to move back into our room. Dan and I went into the bedroom, leaving Maxx sound asleep in the back room in his bassinet. I tried laying down and it worked so we decided to move us back in the bedroom. There was a pile of clothes on the bed that Dan started to fold. I got on to him and told him to stop and go get Maxx first.

He went into the back room to get him. I then heard Dan yell my name. He had a tone in his voice that I pray every day that I never have to hear again. I knew something was wrong. I yelled what and he said something was wrong with Maxx as he ran in to me. I will never, ever, ever forget what I saw. It was Maxx. He was so tiny and frail. He was like a limp noodle in what seemed to be Dan's huge hands. He was blue and grey. Like those fake babies who are sick in TV shows. He had bubbles all around his mouth and he was not breathing. That image has been burned into my brain.

I am surprised now, but I was very calm. Dan was the wreck. He handed Maxx to me. I remember I started pounding on his back, thinking he would perk right up. He didn't. Dan grabbed a bulb syringe and I suctioned his nose and mouth. Still not perking up, I had him call 911. By this point it was sinking in that we may have lost Maxx. I kept pounding him on the back and all I could do was pray. I prayed (word for word), "Jesus, please don't take my baby, please don't take my baby. No, no, no, Jesus, please don't take my baby".

The ambulance got to our house in record time. We later found out that they were just across the street getting gas. By the time they got there Maxx had perked up a bit. He was still not back to normal color. So Maxx and I took the ambulance to DePaul, while Dan waited for his mom to come sit with Noah and Josie, who were thanks to God were both sound asleep.

Once we arrived at DePaul, my mom and dad and grandma joined me. I think it was the first time I had ever broke down crying in my mother's arms. Later they told us that when they saw him, they didn't know if he would make it through the night. The peds doctor at DePaul assessed Maxx and decided he was in critical condition and he needed to go to Children's Hospital.

We had to wait on the transport team to come and get him. While we were waiting I'll never forget, Dan was pale as a ghost and maybe said two words. He took it all really hard and blamed himself. The transport team arrived and I went with Maxx while Dan went home to the kids.

We ended up in the PICU at Children's. The first night was very touch and go. He kept having episodes where he would stop breathing. His nurse would run in and rub his chest to wake him up and then he would begin breathing again. We spent 4 nights in the PICU. I maybe slept 12 hours the entire time. Needless to say I was a basket case.

I will never forget all the love and outpouring of prayers from everyone. We had people praying for Maxx from coast to coast. I think one time we counted and there were people praying in 20 states for Maxx.

We were moved to a step down room and after 3 days there, and having to learn CPR, we were able to take Maxx home. He was put on an apnea monitor so if he would stop breathing we would know. He wore that for 6 months. He would have a spell from time to time, but that monitor allowed me to take a shower each day and sleep easy at night.

Now here we are a year later and Maxx is a normal 1 yr old boy. Tomorrow as we celebrate his 1st birthday it is more than just that for me, it is a celebration of his life. He is such a precious gift from God. I thank God every day for Maxx. I am so glad that God allowed me to keep him. He has been such a blessing in my life. I think from time to time about how our lives would be had things went different that night, and it just breaks my heart. It has helped me be extra thankful for all three of my kids. I have cried almost the entire time I have typed this, with all those fears, emotions and thankfulness coming back to me. It is truly one day I will never forget!

I Taught Her

I thought I would start today off with a visual of my nail progress. I know that most of you could probably care less about my fingernails, but this along with my weight and house chores are things that I am working hard at to change. So you are going to get to see the progress. Also feel free to mention how nice my nails look and that I look like I may have dropped a pound or two next time you see me... LOL

Over the past few weeks I have been told how well my kids behave. I will take this as a direct complement to me, since they are with me all day, everyday. My grandma told me that I may not do much, but I sure do know how to raise good kids. What can I say I'm a great mom! LOL

Josie loves to help around the house. Yesterday I snapped a couple of pictures trying to be a big helper.

My Josie is just a sweet, loving, helping, little girl. She loves her little brother. She loves to help and mommy him. I have their high chairs next to each other and every morning I let them eat breakfast while they watch their one daily show, Sesame Street. Yesterday while eating breakfast, she noticed that "bubby" (Maxx) was out of Cheerios, so she took some from her tray and shared some with him. I thought it was so sweet that Josie, a two year old, cared enough about her bubby to share her food with him.

When Josie was a baby I got some books about having daughters for Christmas. One of them mentioned to listen to how she treats and talks to her baby dolls, that is a direct reflection of how you treat and talk to her. I have taken that to heart. Although most days bubby is her baby doll, I love watch how she treats him, caring, loving, sharing and concerned. I like to think I taught her to be that way.

One less thing

Before Dan had his surgery for about a week I had done something I had not done before. I was making an effort to make sure the house was cleaned before he got home. I am sure I run my day much different than most. You see I am a procrastinator. Why do something now, what I can do later. That's my motto. Sad, I know, but it's just me.

This is how I run the Pingel home during the day. We eat, play, sleep, eat, play, sleep. Noah gets home around 4. Dan gets home around 4:30. When Noah gets home if the kids are awake I send them all to the play room. Noah does a wonderful job of helping me with the babies. He knows what they can and can't play with and makes sure Maxx doesn't get anything that he could choke on.

Through out the day I don't clean up any messes, unless something sticky gets dropped on the floor. I do clean off the kids after each meal. At 4 when Noah takes the kids to the play room to play, I in a frenzy, clean up our days messes. I sweep, vacuum, unload, load the dish washer and etc.

Since Dan had his surgery we are still trying to get into our regular routine. I think we have pretty much mastered it by now. So we will try to do things normal today.

The funny thing about me cleaning up everyday was that Noah had noticed and everyday he would ask me, "is anyone coming over"? I would reply, "no". After several days of this I asked him why he kept asking me. He said, "well mom, you are cleaning up everyday and you only clean when some one is coming over".

I am hoping to get back in the grove of cleaning up and making things nice before Dan gets home. Just one less thing he has to worry about.

This Mommy Needs A Nap

I have set several goals for this new year. I am happy to announce that I am doing great on one of them.

I have done a great job at not biting my nails. I have found that if I can get just a little, tinny, tiny nail, I will stop biting and let them grow. It has been really hard, but I'm on the road to long nails. I'm so excited. Silly that it is takes next to nothing nails to add some excitement in my life.

Yesterday my baby boy turned 1. It is so hard to believe he is one already. Where did the past year go? Oh, that's right I spent most the year spending the night in the hospital. You know I really should become a nurse since I spend so much time there. I may as well get paid for it, right?

I have also been trying to make better food choices. The other night I feel asleep and missed dinner. When I woke up I wanted a snack so, I went for the carrots and dip. I have thrown out all the leftover cookies. I need to go through the cabinets and fridge to get rid of the rest of the bad food choices. So then we won't have anything left but good food choices.

We have a recumbent bike. We got it about 3 years ago and never really used it. It's in the basement right now collecting dust. I was thinking we should bring it up so we can start riding it. We can put it in the front room with the big TV and ride during one of our 1000 shows we watch. We would then ride for an hour, not skipping commercials. I think that it help us not feel so guilty about watching so much TV. Make it healthy TV watching. I am also thinking it would help me build up some endurance now, for when I start jogging when the weather gets nicer.

I did something to my right knee. I am almost thinking I dislocated my knee cap, not sure though. I actually don't remember doing anything to it. All I know is if it is bent for any amount of time it starts hurting really bad. It wakes me up at night it hurts so bad. It feels fine if I keep it straight. Anyway I am hoping I just tweaked it and it will start feeling better. Just like me to repress things and ignore them.

I have been really tired lately. I think it has to due with the fact that I am practically a single mom right now. Since Dan's surgery, he is not allowed to lift anything more than 10 lbs. So that leaves me to; lift, clothe, change every diaper, load and unload the kids in the van, put them in and take them out of high chairs, and much, much more. I can say I do get help from Noah, when he is home. I try and that is a big TRY, to not ask Noah to do too much. I tend to fail at that. I think all that I am having to do on my own is really wearing me out.

I know what I need to do to make my self healthy, net let's get to it. Although right now just the thought makes me tired!! This mommy needs a nap!!

Let the healing begin...

I'm not sure if you have read my last few blogs, but I have one thing on both of them that I would like to explain.

One thing about me is, I am not a hugger. When you come from a family that loves to dish out hugs over anything and everything it's hard to not be a hugger, but I am not. In fact I get lots of teasing and such from my family because I don't hug. There is a specific reason I am not a hugger. Let me add that if I just dish out a hug on my own that it is something very special and you must have done something special or that meant a lot to me.

This is something that I have kept a secret for several years. In fact it has been such a secret that besides my parents and Dan, only a handful of very close friends know. I only told my brother about it about a month ago. My own family doesn't even know. I don't want anyone to look at me differently and I don't want anyone's pity. I just want to explain to people why I am the way I am about some things. I also need to try to start my healing process - I have always just repressed my feelings about it and ignored it.

I was sexually abused as a child. I think my weight, paranoia, and my anxiety all stem from this. I have never been ready to go to counseling for it, but am ready now. We can't afford it, but when we can I am going to go.

I just hope that this insight and private look at my life helps people understand me more. Maybe you even understand me more than you would like to. It's not anything I am ashamed of. It was not my fault.

I didn't tell my parents about it until I was 16. It took several years for me to tell them. They have been very supportive of me, and always been by my side when I needed them to be. When I went to college, my academic advisor was also a counselor. He looked at all my past report cards and IQ tests, and there was an IQ test where my IQ dropped dramatically. He said that is usually a sign of trauma in someone's life. It was the same time I was being abused. It was then that it all really hit home for my parents and made it real for them. Not that it wasn't real for them before, just made it more real for them.

Dan as been more than supportive to me and I love him more and more each day. At a time when I never thought I would find a man to love me, God sent me Dan. He will never know how much he means to me.

Some of you are probably wondering why I would post this. I guess it's my way of starting my healing process. It was 20+ years ago, and I need to start healing. I need to forgive. I need to move on and not let it haunt me any more. It's time to let the healing begin.

Randomness

Ok I know randomness is not a word, at least I don't think it is, but it is for today! Here are all the random and silly things you may or may not know about me!

1. I hate twisted seat belts. They drive me NUTS!!!

2. My husband calls me loveybumpkins and I LOVE it!!

3. I love to grocery shop.

4. Due to a deformity in my left arm, it is an inch and a half shorter than my right arm. Ask and I will show you next time I see you.

5. I have ADD and I am dyslexic. We did not find out I was dyslexic until I was a sophomore in high school.

6. I went to college for 3 semesters in Lakeland, FL.

7. I want to be a kindergarten teacher.

8. I HATE the smells of cinnamon and mango. If you are chewing Big Red, don't talk to me!!

9. I hate to get on an elevator when there is someone who smokes in it, because then the entire thing smells like nasty smoke.

10. I am a born again Christian.

11. I used to be a very close minded and judgemental person.

12. I don't cuss.

13. I used to smoke. I have a very hard time every spring with cravings to smoke again, then I just think about # 9.

14. Winter is my favorite season.

15. I had a miscarriage in 2007.

16. I have one brother, Brett, who is in a band. Wild Tiger (Check out their band page on fb and you can hear some of his music.)

17. My lucky number is 7.

18. 2 of my 3 children were born on a 7 date. The other would have been if I could have held out for 7 more hours..

19. I share my birthday with my grandpa and one of my cousins.

20. I hate to be called Steph by people I don't know.

21. I hate it when people yell at their kids when you are talking with them on the phone.

22. My favorite TV show is Modern Family.

23. I LOVE Tom Hanks!

24. I hated school.

25. My first car was a grey Corsica

26. I don't see the point in making a bed.

27. I hate to cook, but love to bake.

28. I have matching scars on both my knees from surgeries I had when I was 14 and 15.

29. I was 16 1/2 when I got my license. That was the rule in Indiana where we lived.

30. I have only been in "real" love twice. The second time, was Dan!

31. My favorite color is purple.

32. I LOVE to scrapbook, even though I don't ever have time to.

33. I have almost all of Noah's teeth he has lost.

34. I tend to keep the stupidest things as keepsakes.

35. I weigh 270 lbs. I figure if I say it, then it will help motivate me to change it!!

36. I am really looking forward to when we move into a home that is "ours".

37. I LOVE to sing, and I am pretty good at it.

38. I have never had a cavity.

39. I hate to shave my legs.

40. I hate Trans Siberian Orchestra

41. The song Drummer Boy really annoys me.

42. I like country music.

43. I never buy anything for myself, always for my kids.

44. If I buy a purse I have to buy a wallet that matches. I can't stand a purse w/o a matching wallet.

45. I wear layers. I can't stand not having a shirt tucked into my pants.

46. I had braces 3 times because my teeth were so buck.

47. I was called bug eyed, buck tooth beaver as a kid. Now the two things I get the most complements on are my eyes and smile.

48. I used to weigh 120 lbs.

49. I am a short haired person. I look so much better with short hair.

50. I was sexually abused.

Best Girlfriend

My name is Stephanie Pingel and I don't have a bff (best friend forever). There I have said it. I should feel better right? Well, I don't. It kills me. I wish so bad I had that one!

Now don't get me wrong, I consider my husband and mom my best friends. I cherish being able to be that close to both of them. I just want to have a close friendship with someone I'm not related to.

I used to have a bff. We were like sisters. She knew me better than anyone. She was the first one I called when I found out I was pregnant with Noah. She was my maid of honor and I was hers. We were so alike. We were meant to be bff's. I don't know what happened. Shortly after I got married she stopped talking to me. I have no idea what I did. NO CLUE! I wish I knew what I did so I could make it right. There are times I go to call her to tell her something or ask a question and I remember I can't, because we are no longer friends.

I have days when I feel so lonely. I know it's because I am missing my bff. The strange thing is that I don't really want her back, I just want someone to have as my bf. I find I get jealous of those who do have friendships like what I had and like what I want.

I want someone I can call anytime I need. Who I talk to everyday. Who I can go shopping with. Who I can cry with and laugh with. Who knows me better than I do. Who reads my mind. Who is like the sister I never had. Who can finish my sentence.

One day, I will have a best girlfriend.

New Year Goals

Today is January 1, 2011. It's a new day and a new year. As the clock struck midnight, I couldn't help but find myself in tears. I was so overcome with joy that 2010 was behind us and really excited about what 2011 has in store.

This year I am setting a few goals for myself. Here they are:

Stop biting my nails. It's my nervous habit and I need to stop. My mom always used to say, "boys don't like girls who bite their nails". Although I don't have any boys to impress, I find I feel better about myself when I have nail. I know this is silly, but I also worry people are thinking I am picking my nose when I bite my nails. Since the mouth and nose are so close together and if they only caught a glimpse of it. Silly, I know!

Lose 50 lbs. I figure that should be an attainable goal. It's less than one pound a week. If I end up losing more, it would just be a bonus.

Jog. After I had Noah, I used to jog all the time. I was very fit. It was such a wonderful stress reliever for me. A few weeks ago I found a double jogging stroller on Craigslist and bought it so now I have no excuse!!

Worry less. I have found that I worry soo much. I have also found that I eat when I worry. If I can worry less, then I will eat less. That should help with my 50 lbs goal. I need to let go and let God more. I need to cast my cares on him more!!!

Cook more. I have said this before, but there is no better time than the new year to make a fresh start. It's just more healthy!

Be MORE Healthy. Continue to make better food choices.

Enjoy more. Enjoy my life. Enjoy my family. Enjoy my friends. More!

Give more hugs. I'm not a hugger. One day I will explain why...

My kids bedtime routine. Giving vitamins, brushing teeth, reading stories and praying, with all my kids!!