We had been home from the hospital with our sweet baby Maxx for 3 days now. Things were going OK. He was really yellow and losing weight, but the pediatrician did not seem concerned. I had went and gotten my staples out. All 33 of them. That in it self was a nightmare because I had a skin infection and they let an inter take them out. It was pretty bad. The good thing was that after they were out, I did feel a TON better.
I found with the staples I was not able to lay down in a bed, so I had been sleeping in the back room in my recliner. We had an entire set up back there with the bassinet and a changing station. I had decided that I wanted to try to move back into our room. Dan and I went into the bedroom, leaving Maxx sound asleep in the back room in his bassinet. I tried laying down and it worked so we decided to move us back in the bedroom. There was a pile of clothes on the bed that Dan started to fold. I got on to him and told him to stop and go get Maxx first.
He went into the back room to get him. I then heard Dan yell my name. He had a tone in his voice that I pray every day that I never have to hear again. I knew something was wrong. I yelled what and he said something was wrong with Maxx as he ran in to me. I will never, ever, ever forget what I saw. It was Maxx. He was so tiny and frail. He was like a limp noodle in what seemed to be Dan's huge hands. He was blue and grey. Like those fake babies who are sick in TV shows. He had bubbles all around his mouth and he was not breathing. That image has been burned into my brain.
I am surprised now, but I was very calm. Dan was the wreck. He handed Maxx to me. I remember I started pounding on his back, thinking he would perk right up. He didn't. Dan grabbed a bulb syringe and I suctioned his nose and mouth. Still not perking up, I had him call 911. By this point it was sinking in that we may have lost Maxx. I kept pounding him on the back and all I could do was pray. I prayed (word for word), "Jesus, please don't take my baby, please don't take my baby. No, no, no, Jesus, please don't take my baby".
The ambulance got to our house in record time. We later found out that they were just across the street getting gas. By the time they got there Maxx had perked up a bit. He was still not back to normal color. So Maxx and I took the ambulance to DePaul, while Dan waited for his mom to come sit with Noah and Josie, who were thanks to God were both sound asleep.
Once we arrived at DePaul, my mom and dad and grandma joined me. I think it was the first time I had ever broke down crying in my mother's arms. Later they told us that when they saw him, they didn't know if he would make it through the night. The peds doctor at DePaul assessed Maxx and decided he was in critical condition and he needed to go to Children's Hospital.
We had to wait on the transport team to come and get him. While we were waiting I'll never forget, Dan was pale as a ghost and maybe said two wor
ds. He took it all really hard and blamed himself. The transport team arrived and I went with Maxx while Dan went home to the kids.
We ended up in the PICU at Children's. The first night was ve
ry touch and go. He kept having episodes where he would stop breathing. His nurse would run in and rub his chest to wake him up and then he would begin breathing again. We spent 4 nights in the PICU. I maybe slept 12 hours the entire time. Needless to say I was a basket case.
I will never forget all the love and outpouring of prayers from everyone. We had people praying for Maxx from coast to coast. I think one time we counted and there were people praying in 20 states for Maxx.
We were moved to a step down room and after 3 days there, and having to learn CPR, we were able to take Maxx home. He was put on an apnea monitor so if he would stop breathing we would know. He wore that for 6 months. He would have a spell from time to time, but that monitor allowed me to take a shower each day and sleep easy at night.
Now here we are a year later and Maxx is a normal 1 yr old boy. Tomorrow as we celebrate his 1st birthday it is more than just that for me, it is a celebration of his life. He is such a precious gift from God. I thank God every day for Maxx. I am so glad that God allowed me to keep him. He has been such a blessing in my life. I think from time to time about how our lives would be had things went different that night, and it just breaks my heart. It has helped me be extra thankful for all three of my kids. I have cried almost the entire time I have typed this, with all those fears, emotions and thankfulness coming back to me. It is truly one day I will never forget!
I found with the staples I was not able to lay down in a bed, so I had been sleeping in the back room in my recliner. We had an entire set up back there with the bassinet and a changing station. I had decided that I wanted to try to move back into our room. Dan and I went into the bedroom, leaving Maxx sound asleep in the back room in his bassinet. I tried laying down and it worked so we decided to move us back in the bedroom. There was a pile of clothes on the bed that Dan started to fold. I got on to him and told him to stop and go get Maxx first.
He went into the back room to get him. I then heard Dan yell my name. He had a tone in his voice that I pray every day that I never have to hear again. I knew something was wrong. I yelled what and he said something was wrong with Maxx as he ran in to me. I will never, ever, ever forget what I saw. It was Maxx. He was so tiny and frail. He was like a limp noodle in what seemed to be Dan's huge hands. He was blue and grey. Like those fake babies who are sick in TV shows. He had bubbles all around his mouth and he was not breathing. That image has been burned into my brain.
I am surprised now, but I was very calm. Dan was the wreck. He handed Maxx to me. I remember I started pounding on his back, thinking he would perk right up. He didn't. Dan grabbed a bulb syringe and I suctioned his nose and mouth. Still not perking up, I had him call 911. By this point it was sinking in that we may have lost Maxx. I kept pounding him on the back and all I could do was pray. I prayed (word for word), "Jesus, please don't take my baby, please don't take my baby. No, no, no, Jesus, please don't take my baby".
The ambulance got to our house in record time. We later found out that they were just across the street getting gas. By the time they got there Maxx had perked up a bit. He was still not back to normal color. So Maxx and I took the ambulance to DePaul, while Dan waited for his mom to come sit with Noah and Josie, who were thanks to God were both sound asleep.
Once we arrived at DePaul, my mom and dad and grandma joined me. I think it was the first time I had ever broke down crying in my mother's arms. Later they told us that when they saw him, they didn't know if he would make it through the night. The peds doctor at DePaul assessed Maxx and decided he was in critical condition and he needed to go to Children's Hospital.
We had to wait on the transport team to come and get him. While we were waiting I'll never forget, Dan was pale as a ghost and maybe said two wor
ds. He took it all really hard and blamed himself. The transport team arrived and I went with Maxx while Dan went home to the kids.We ended up in the PICU at Children's. The first night was ve
ry touch and go. He kept having episodes where he would stop breathing. His nurse would run in and rub his chest to wake him up and then he would begin breathing again. We spent 4 nights in the PICU. I maybe slept 12 hours the entire time. Needless to say I was a basket case.I will never forget all the love and outpouring of prayers from everyone. We had people praying for Maxx from coast to coast. I think one time we counted and there were people praying in 20 states for Maxx.
We were moved to a step down room and after 3 days there, and having to learn CPR, we were able to take Maxx home. He was put on an apnea monitor so if he would stop breathing we would know. He wore that for 6 months. He would have a spell from time to time, but that monitor allowed me to take a shower each day and sleep easy at night.
Now here we are a year later and Maxx is a normal 1 yr old boy. Tomorrow as we celebrate his 1st birthday it is more than just that for me, it is a celebration of his life. He is such a precious gift from God. I thank God every day for Maxx. I am so glad that God allowed me to keep him. He has been such a blessing in my life. I think from time to time about how our lives would be had things went different that night, and it just breaks my heart. It has helped me be extra thankful for all three of my kids. I have cried almost the entire time I have typed this, with all those fears, emotions and thankfulness coming back to me. It is truly one day I will never forget!
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