Thank God I Got Him!!!

Over the past month I have found that we have gone out to eat quite a bit. Using gift cards, being treated and going for birthdays. I am a very observant person. I am a people watcher and I like to listen to what is going on at tables around me.

I am amazed sometimes at what I hear, how husbands talk to their wives. I don't know who on earth they think they are. They are not any better than those woman. They talk very condescending and disrespectful. I honestly don't know why a woman would put up with it.



I remember back when Dan and I were getting ready to get married. It was bachelor party time. One thing that is popular when it comes to those parties are strip clubs. That is one thing I can not stand. Men are visual, and they remember things they see and like for a very long time. I have issues enough as it is with my body. I didn't need Dan going and gawking at naked ladies and getting all hot and bothered just to make me feel even more insecure about myself.

I told him I didn't care if all the other guys tied him up and dragged him to a club that I would NOT marry him. Some one asked me if I was serious and I said, "I have no issue calling it all off it he goes" and I was serious.

You see a big part of marriage is respect. If he would have went, that it not showing that he respected me or my feelings. The last thing I was going to do was marry a man who did NOT respect me. To this day and my knowledge he did not go to a strip club.

I just can't stand how some men talk to woman sometimes. Telling them to, "shut up", "make a note to yourself", "why would you want to make yourself look like s#%$". (Sorry, I don't cuss, but I put that so you got the full picture of the disrespect.) So much disrespect for a woman who probably waits on you hand and foot, gave birth to and raised your children and God knows what else she did for you along the way.

I find I leave places feeling so bad for those ladies. What is it about that man that you would want to stay with him and allow him to talk to you like that? If truth be told she is probably God's gift to him. He needs to see her as that and treat her that way.

Even though they may not be getting beaten physically they are getting a verbal beating when they do that. My heart just brakes for those ladies. I urge you men who read this to think about how you talk to your wives. The words you say, the tone you use and know that others do hear you.

I am so glad that I found a man who respects me. I do NOT tolerate disrespect very well from my kids, husband or family!!

Dan is a good man, who teats me good. I wouldn't trade him for anything!!! I thank God I got him!!!

Get Over It

I had a wonderful Thanksgiving with family. It was nice to see everyone, and for once we all seemed to get along. What a blessing.

Friday Dan and I celebrated 5 years of marriage. It's hard to believe we have been married 5 years. Dan and Josie put the Christmas tree up, what a joy to watch. Then I took a nice long nap. We got to go to dinner at the casino buffet, courtesy of my Uncle Bill and Aunt Linda. It was a very nice treat.

While we were at dinner, we were sat at a booth in a private room that had about 10 tables in it. There was a booth of people two behind us that were playing music. At first I thought it was someones cell phone ringing, but it kept going on and on. They had their phone streaming music for the joys of the entire room to hear. It was ghetto music playing. It was loud enough we couldn't hear the music the restaurant was playing. I found myself very annoyed and getting angry over it. What made them and their music so important that the rest of us had to listen to it?? I guess I should have found a manager and complained, but I didn't.

We then went to my parents house and played games for a while. While we were there, Josie's eye started swelling and she had a fever of 102.6. Afraid it was a nut allergy we ended the night with Josie snuggled in between us for the night. Happy 5th Anniversary to us!!

Saturday came along and her eye just kept getting worse and worse. We probably should have taken her to the ER Saturday night, but thought it may get better and didn't.

Dan needed the leaves raked from the yard. With his nose dripping he could only rake and needed help bagging them. He had offered Noah $20 to help out. On Friday night they had talked about it and Noah didn't want any part of it. It really upset and disappointed Dan. So I stepped in and told Noah that now he was not going to be paid and he was going to help his dad out of the goodness of his heart. Noah was also invited to a birthday party on Saturday afternoon, so I also told him that if he didn't help dad with the leaves that he wasn't going to the party.

They worked on the yard for about 4 hours. When they came in I asked how it went and Dan said Noah was amazing. He helped out without complaining and they had fun too. So as a treat for helping out and working so hard, Dan let Noah choose a reward. He could either get $10 or the Blues backpack that he found and was going to be returned to the store. Of course he chose the backpack.

I have to admit I felt bad for not helping with the leaves, although if I would have, who would have watched the babies. So I guess I did help... in a way. I suppose a good wife would have done it during the day while he was at work, but then I still had the problem of who would watch the kids...

So it was 3:45 and time to take Noah to the birthday party. Dan took him and dropped him off. Then about 10 minutes later I get a phone call. Evidently since it was a holiday weekend not very many kids were able to make it to the party it was cancelled and no one told us. How embarrassing. They brought Noah home. I felt so bad for him. I guess I should have RSVP'd. Oh well what can a girl do. At least we go the leaves done.

Sunday morning we woke up to Josie's eye being even worse. So off to the ER we went. They gave IV antibiotics and sent us on our way.

I found that over the 4 day weekend I ended it feeling guilty. I know I'm not the best mom or feed my kids the best things all the time. I don't think I feed them ALL bad things, but probably not enough good things. So my new challenge it to feed them ALL good things. No bad foods anymore. I know what it is to be fat and feel that every time you eat that you are being looked at by those who eat healthy. I have even had people make comments about my food choices when out to eat. I don't want my kids to end up fat like me and have to deal with the guilt of everything they put in their mouth. Sometimes I wish everyone was fat (and when I say fat, not by what they think is fat, but really being over weight and FAT) just if even for a month. So they know the glares, comments and feelings that we fat ones go through. I know I am the only one I can blame for my fatness, but it is also not just as easy as eating better for some of us to lose the weight. I have 125 pounds I need to lose. Most people only weigh 20-40 pound more, if that, than I need to lose. I just wish thin people understood more how we feel. I have been thin before, very thin, sickly thin. I don't want to be that thin, just healthy. I know I am the only one that can fix this and this is really my issue and I probably just need to get over it. I plan on eating better and making better food choices for me and my kids....

Trying to be Thankful....

Wednesday I did great. I got all of the laundry folded and put away. I also did the dishes and cleaned up. I was very pleased. Job well done, ME!!!



I got a call around noon from Dan's ENT. The results came back from his nose drippings sample we had taken in on Monday. It was positive for CSF (cerebral spinal fluid). He is going to have to have surgery again. I found this news a hard pill to swallow. After all that we had been through this year, I just could not get over the fact that it had not heal. God did NOT hear our prayers and cries and heal him. I just didn't understand this. I found myself angry at God. Wanting to yell at him and tell him off. I found I was having a hard time being "thankful" this year. Why would all this be happening to me and MY family. We are good people, trying to live good lives, trying to do good. It just seems that bad, after bad, after bad keeps happening to us. WHEN WILL THIS END???

Thursday came long and it was Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving, are you kidding me? What did I have to be thankful for? It was time for prayer and my dad asked what we were thankful for. I had to think a while, then it dawned on me. I did have Maxx this year, yes he almost died, but he didn't. I still had him to hold in my arms, kiss and hug. You see 9 months ago my aunt Brenda lost her 22 yr old son. She can no longer talk to, kiss or hug him. It just hit me that in Jan I could have understood her pain, but God spared Maxx. I know it's been a rough year on my household, but not even near as rough as hers. So what do I really have to be mad at God for, NOTHING, absolutely NOTHING. He has blessed me beyond measure this year, he gave me Maxx and allowed me to keep him. For that matter he allowed me to keep Noah, Josie and Dan for another year.

Even though Thanksgiving is over, try to be thankful in all things, everyday. That is my new challenge, to find the good in everything. No matter how bad things are in your life or your household, things can always be worse. Be thankful you have a family, home, food on your table, a job to go to. We are all blessed beyond measure. I know I am and I have so many things to be thankful for! I should have been spending my anger energy and praying instead, thanking God I still had Dan, and that he has not gotten sick from the leak.

Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is the will of God's for you in Jesus Christ
1 Thessalonians 5:18

A.D.D. Much???

I apologize for today's post, it' a bunch of random thoughts!!! So, bare with me. I have A.D.D. so deal!!! ;)

My day yesterday was almost a bust! I didn't get to do all the house work I wanted to do, but I did get some clothes folded. In my book that is better than nothing! I ended up having to take Maxx the doctor. He was sooooo fussy. He was my monster of the day. The poor baby had a reason to be a monster though, ends up he has a bad ear infection in his right ear.

Since I was out in St. Charles with the babies (that is where our peds doctor's office is) I figured I should go ahead and get Josie's 2 year pictures taken. Boy was that fun. She would not smile, stand still or cooperate. I must be insane to think that a 2 year old would want to cooperate. We did get a few good ones, so we called it quits and I got to choose from 3 that turned out. I am very happy with the one we got, after all the trouble. So, I really can't complain about it.

With some help from the WONDERFUL Smith family, we (Dan, Noah and I) got to get see the new Harry Potter movie. Let me just say that I am sooo thankful that God gave me cute and happy babies for others to love also! I also have to say that the only way we were able to go to the movies is because it was only $5 each, plus I don't know the last time we went to a movie. I think we had a gift card too.

I thought the movie was going to be a disaster. There are always these games at the theater that Dan and Noah like to play, where you have to hit on a spot and then you get that prize.I thank that's what they have to do, I have never paid attention. They always like to try for the big prize. They always fail. Well Dan gave Noah one dollar to try. They lost and that ended up in Noah begging for more money to try. Which ended up in Dan yelling at Noah in the middle of the theater. I was gone to the potty, just to return to this. So I stepped in and told Noah, dad said NO, end of story. Noah likes to argue, so some how Dan always ends up arguing with him. That is one thing that drives me CRAZY. So I normally have to step in and end it. Dan doesn't mean to, he just wants Noah to understand and Noah never does. Then Noah stomped off, sat and sulked because he didn't get his way and we are the worst parents in the world not giving him $100 to play the game and win the prize. I then told Noah, "this is the last movie we are going to bring you to, if this is how you are going to act". I walked away and after a minute or two he seemed OK. We then go to get seats and Noah decided to sit 10 seats away from us cool people. The just before the movie started, I don't know what happened, but he decided he wanted to sit next to dad. So we enjoyed the movie, the three of us all together in a row. I have to admit, it was kind of nice.

Today I have a ton of laundry to fold and put away. Dan said, "folding and putting away the laundry is your task for today". I think I have about 6 loads to do. This should be fun!

I have found that I have the kids on a schedule. We get up at about 8:30. Maxx gets a bottle and Josie gets her cereal. They both love to watch Sesame Street while eating. Once they are done with breakfast we play and around 10:30 or so, if they last that long, it's nap time. Now I know a lot of moms do extra work during nap time, but not me. I take nap time as ME time. It's the only time of the day when it is just ME! Some moms get up early or stay up late and I can't. I stay up late with Dan. He used to complain all the time that I would go to bed too early, so I started staying up with him. I am one who needs lots of sleep so, I don't get up until I have to.

I got a book 2 years ago for Mother's Day and I have not gotten to read much of it. I really don't like to read. I have a hard time reading because I am dyslexic so I just don't read. I did however find the book on iTunes so I bought it and am going to start taking my ME time to listen/read along with my book. I can't wait!!! I am going to start on Monday.

That takes us to lunch. After lunch we have play time and then it's time for Noah and daddy to get home.

I have always wanted to be that mom who feeds her family breakfast at the table every morning. If I did that we would all have to get up at 6:30 in time for Dan to eat before he leaves for work. The babies are always still sleeping. I mean really who wants to wake a sleeping baby??!!?? For that matter, Noah gets free breakfast at school every morning. Maybe once Noah goes to middle school I will try. If I would do that though, I would have to go to bed earlier and then Dan would complain that I go to bed to early. So it's either stay up with him or get up and make him breakfast. I can't do both. I would be a crab all the time, and that's not good for any of us.

No Surprise...

This all goes back to Friday. We dropped the kids off at the in-laws. About 10 minutes later I get a call from my mother-in-law, Noah has gotten into the stash of not yet wrapped Christmas gifts. I told her if she wanted, take the gifts that he saw back to the store. I was told by a few people "that is too harsh". I knew I wasn't going to be seeing Noah until Sunday, so I had some time to "cool down" and think about what I wanted to say to him.



This takes us to Sunday. Dan started talking about wanting to decorate for Christmas and with the potential of the leak (in his head) not being fixed I didn't want him to carry anything up stairs. So I decided to surprise him and decorate the house myself. Thinking that he would be overjoyed to come home and have the house be all "Christmasy". I had it all worked out to do on Wednesday. Our friend Helen and my dad where both going to come and help. I had it all figured out. I was soo excited it was going to be a grand surprise.



Sunday evening I took some time with Noah and had a talk with him. I explained that he didn't need to be snooping around for gifts. If something was covered up then he was not supposed to be looking at it. If he accidentally found something to KEEP HIS MOUTH SHUT and act surprised when it was given as a gift. And if I found out that he had been snooping at any ones house, then the gifts he found would go back to the store. That was his ONE warning on the subject. I was very proud of myself. I was very nice about it all. I did you a stern voice, but no yelling. Job well done, ME!



Now we are at Monday. I did just what I said I would do in my first blog post. I did some laundry. (The reason I never did laundry in the first place was because of the steps. I'm fat and have bad knees and the steps seem steep and narrow to me, so I don't like to use them. I generally don't go down stairs for ANYTHING! We had planned that once we moved and had main floor laundry I would then take it over.) Dan read my post yesterday and said he did not mind doing the laundry, so I will do loads as I can. I will fold it all and put it away. I had gone down and done 2 loads and folded what needed to be folded, so I was feeling pretty good! I also had unloaded the dishwasher and re-loaded it so the sink was empty when Dan came home. I had made plans to make dinner until Dan reminded me that we were going to make the Auntie Anne's Pretzel Kit with Noah.



Noah came home from school around 4 and asked to play out side for a bit. I said that was fine. When he was putting on his shoes and I asked him how his day went. He said, "fine". I figured that would be his answer so I asked if anything good happened at school, "no" and if anything bad happened, "no". The he asked, "mom, why are you asking"? "Just because I wanted to know how your day was". Noah, "Ok, you are acting all suspicious". I laughed.



After playing outside for about 30 mins he came in and asked, "What is that Blues back pack in the garage for"? I calmly told him it was a Christmas gift and asked him what was he doing snooping around. Keep in mind we had JUST talked about this the night before. I my mind I pictured myself yelling and screaming and steam blowing out my ears, but I was very nice about it all. He said that he was not snooping. After talking to Dan and doing some investigation, he had to have been snooping to have found it. So he was sent to his room to clean it and for the evening for lying. If there is ONE thing I DO NOT tolerate, it is lying!!!! I even had a nice calm, talk with him, set the timer and gave him 10 minutes to think about it and fess up. He still insisted he was telling the truth. The one good thing was that his room got mostly clean! He did however miss out on the pretzels (we did not make them, saving it for another night) and the movie we had planned on watching with him.



Dan came home and confirmed that Noah was snooping. He then went down stairs to rotate some laundry and took for ever to do. I went and check and he was down stairs moving Christmas boxes. I asked why he was doing that. (He had made plans for his mom to come help bring them up, but I had told her to make an excuse not to be able to. So she did and was going to be coming on Wednesday instead.) I asked where he thought the tree should go, since we were on the topic of Christmas decorations. He then asked who was going to be coming to help me decorate and began to throw a fit over how he wanted to do it himself. That then ended up in a big fight, and me cancelling the grand surprise.



It all ended in me feeling my night was a disaster and failure.

Thank God today is a new day and will be better. Just makes me sad that Dan and Noah ruined thier surprises....

As the old saying goes....

We have all heard it a thousand times, "If momma ain't happy, ain't no one happy". I am starting to find this true. I am also starting to find that, I'm just not happy. I know that I should be. I have 3 wonderful children, who make me smile and and light up my life. I have a nice home, a nice car and van. I get to be a stay at home mommy. I have a wonderful and handsome husband who would and does do everything for me. Maybe that's just it.. HE does everything...

I will be 33 in just a few weeks and when I sit here looking at my life I find that I am selfish, angry, fat and lazy. I don't do the dishes, laundry, cleaning, or cooking. I don't exercise. I try to take care of my kids, but am finding I don't do much of that either. I find I yell and grouch a ton. That is not what I want to be. I WANT to be Suzie Home Maker. I WANT to be that thin, hot lady I once was. I WANT to be that cool mom, the one where all the other kids wish I was their mom. I WANT to have a house that is full of kids all the time. I WANT my husband to be able to come home and not have to do anything, but play with the kids and relax after a long day at work. I WANT to Make My Home Happy!!

So how do I do this? Do I take baby steps to change? Do I just change myself all at once? I think I am going to do some of both. I want to change my mind set. Change my attitude!! While doing that I plan on taking things over one by one. Today I am taking over the dishes and laundry. OK that is two things, but it's a good start.

I have 3 kids. Noah who is 10, Josie who is 2 and Maxx who is almost 1. Noah has ADHD. I find with him I lose my patients very easy and I am very hard on him. I think he feels that since Dan and the babies came along he gets shoved to the side. (I had Noah before I met Dan). To an extent he is right. Two babies ages one and two take a lot of my attention. I tend to lean on Noah to help out too. So Noah is the one I am going to work on first. Take time for him more. Listen to him when he talks to me. Have some me and Noah time. Not ask him to be a big brother and let him be a kid. Be more patient with him. Hug him more. Tell him I love him more. Let him know how proud I am of who he is and is becoming. Let him know how proud I am to be his mom. Be a better mom to him. Be a happy mom for him.

This is going to be my journey of what I did to Making My Home Happy. Let's see if I can do it!